Moderation is completely out of whack

Beans on toast in front of each other, blank expressions looking about our emptying flat. It seemed to hit us both at the same time, and it was difficult to put a positive spin at the end of a working day and an evening of packing and cleaning ahead. It catches up so quickly, and even though I feel relatively well organised it still feels like we won't have enough time to do it all. 

Being without money hasn't helped. These days have really felt as though they have been dragging by and looking at my account just makes me feel so blue. I need to focus on the fact that this is temporary and will soon pass. We will soon be in the new flat, we should hopefully get most if not all of our deposit back which will help things tremendously and a new chapter will begin. 

I need to learn from my mistakes and really listen to myself as I peddle through these tougher, uncertain times. I need to keep away from websites which encourage me to spend money. They may be bargains for what they're worth but if I keep buying them at the rate I have, I'm not saving a penny. It feels good to know that something brand new is on its way to me in the post and it'll likely break up my monotonous day, but I know that as soon as I get home, I'll wonder why I bothered with it. The feeling fades and it's not long before i'm on the scout for some new distraction. 

It's so easy to fall into, and i've been allowing it to happen for a few years now. I've known it all along, but I look at it as I don't have any other expensive habits, so why not treat myself to things I enjoy? 

Nothing wrong with that...as long as it's in moderation. And lately, as I feel more stressed, more deprived of nice food and a comforting amount in my bank, I feel my moderation is completely off. I guess it's good that i'm not yet in my overdraft. I think to my student years where I just couldn't get out of it. I know that would be a slippery slope if I were to, so I'm adamant to stay the hell out of it.

This evening I'll be occupying myself with armfuls of possessions to and from our new flat and clean as much as my body will allow before I collapse into bed. It would be great to be able to pay a professional to do it all, but in truth I do get a satisfaction from doing it ourselves. Particularly the cleaning part. I've never done it before, why would I want to now? Plus it's all too expensive. This is how it goes if you're hard up - you have to roll your sleeves up and get on with it.

Sigh. Hopefully the new year will come around and I can look back on this with a smile. It feels a long way away.