Know you

Latched onto another couple of songs that just to ‘fit’ and I’m listening to death. I’m sure a month from now when it comes on in my headphones I’ll surely skip it straight on. That’s how it goes! But for now I’m enjoying it.

Journey home after seeing my brother for an impromptu dinner meet up/ catch up. Every time I see him I realise how much I miss him. 

The recent few days have reminded me of when I used to live in the tiny room in Kilburn. It was so small, but it was so cheap and I loved it. Those days are so vivid in my mind. In some ways I miss them, but I know i'm more comfortable where I am now and if I were to find myself back there I know i'd be longing for the safety and security of a long-term relationship and our own flat. 

I just feel at such a loose end emotionally. I don't really know how to think or feel. It's probably all the change that's been going on lately, it hasn't had much time to catch up with me and now that it is i'm alone, looking for any reason to focus on something else. Usually, something distracting. 

Focusing too much on next week, i'm bigging it up far too much in my mind. Why haven't we conversed? Why am I so fixated...? I need to step away. I need to realise that this is taking up too much energy and I should really back away from the whole thing entirely. 

It's just...something to look forward to. I'm truly holding onto that 'something' whether it's good for me or not.