First steps to minimalism

To be honest, this past weekend was mixed emotions for me. If I were to write this yesterday evening it would probably be a bit bitter, but now i've slept on it and i'm back at work as if it never happened, I feel a bit better about it. I suppose it hit me that things are changing and are going to change significantly. And, I can't sit around moping about it, i've just got to buck my ideas up and get on with it. I mean, I'm 27 for god's sake! I can't expect my family to remain the same as I go about my life doing different things and personally changing to some degree. 

I think on reflection it was good that I went as it's important to be around for things, but, it's always difficult for me when my brother's girlfriend is there as well, it upsets the usual dynamic and she is just so totally different from me, without meaning to she just rubs me up the wrong way. I don't want to allow it to get to me, but it just does and I can't help it just the same as she can't. It's just one of these individuals in life that you come across who just doesn't blend with you as others do and again, i've just got to get on with it as there's nothing I can do. It's something I will rightly have to keep with me and carry about. I'm sure with time she'll grow up a bit and roughen up a bit, and that smug, 'I have it so easy' attitude will wear off a bit...I hope. 

Dad seemed in good spirits although I know he's got a lot going on in his mind, it's difficult to know how to help. I hope he knows that he has all of my support though, even though i'm not sure what it will mean in the long run. I can't expect him to be so invested in my goings on now as he's got so much else on his plate. I suppose it truly hit me, the feeling that i'm an adult now and I lead an independent life and my choices are my own. They can say all they want but I don't have to take it on board entirely. Like driving lessons. I was expecting my parents to be excited by the idea but my mum through it was a bad idea and dad seemed a little indifferent. Perhaps its the sort of 'I'll believe it when I see it' sort of vibe, or they wonder how i'll be able to afford it. That's a true point! But still, it would be a good thing to do, something that's long overdue. I won't go mad and buy a car afterwards, no, but it'll be good for 'one day.' 

I need to start making more 'one day's 'todays.'

I'm going to try and embrace this realization and put it to good use. Instead of feeling powerless to change, I need to focus on how empowered I should feel about the things I do have control over. I want to make more use of my time and instead of listening to mindless playlists and over-playing music (i'm not really knocking it - I love it and will always love it!) i'm trying to focus my ears onto podcasts and listening to people's new ideas. Last week I latched onto The Minimalists and have to say, i'm hooked. I think this will give me the motivation I need to propel forward, not backwards always looking back at the youthfulness I had, the time - I tend to say I don't have regrets but I do find myself looking over things more from the past than the future. I don't know if I need to streamline my life as such, but I do have a lot of clutter which I want to be free of. These sentimental items I keep; letters, photos, notes, tickets etc, I love them all with a fondenss I can't really put into words and I can't bring myself to get rid of them. However, I don't reach for them either. It's like a sort of security, knowing that they are there if I need them. But, why would I need them? I believe that these things make me the person I am today, although they sometimes bring sadness, I don't mind that because I want to know that with that sadness, a lesson came with it. But, do I really need to have it, physically taking up the space? 

I'm going to try and get around to scanning all these things in and storing them somewhere safely on my computer, so I can still reference them but I am able to be free of them physically... I think it might help me move on from some heavyness I have playing on me and my mind. It'll be hard, and I don't think I'll be able to do it for all of it, but for the most part, it should help me do it for other things too.

This is just stage one. But, for the first time in a long time it has clicked with me and I want to see it through. It might help me feel a little closer to the things I really want in this life. Instead of longing and getting depressed, it might show others, my nearest and dearest, that I'm really making these changes for my future and they might want a piece of the action too. After all, actions speak louder than words.

It's time to save money, declutter and exercise more.

I'm going to try and get back into running every other day. It'll do me good, I know it will. I might even sign up to an event and actually train for it. Just, test myself and see if I can do it and log how it all makes me feel. If I hate it, well, at least I gave it a good go and know to try something else next time.

As Monday mornings go, apart from spilling coffee over myself an hour ago, it seems to be going pretty okay so far!