Going back to my childhood stomping ground brings back fond memories as I'm sure it always will. It's a sorry state, a run-down, poor seaside town with empty, family shop fronts next to large chain stores, it lacks a character and charm that it used to have many years ago, long before my time. But even when I was a teenager, I enjoyed the tacky bright lights, the sticky pubs and our familiar haunts for junk food and cheap costume jewellery. I miss the sea the most, and that hasn't aged at all.
We drove to my best friend's and her boyfriends house who's teenage son was also staying for the weekend. It was great seeing them all again. We had coffee and then went to the town to go bowling, a retro past time I haven't played for years. As we waited to put on those white and red slippery shoes, we both saw a couple of old school friends and went over to say hello. It was a surreal, strange moment. When Tracey's eyes met mine she double took, screamed and hugged me tightly. She hadn't changed a bit, and it was nice to see her. Then Cleo came over spoke mainly to Robyn but then gave me a light hug, which I wasn't really prepared for. She also hadn't changed a bit - of course, she had as she is now married and mother to 3 children, and Tracey with her little boy. Loud screaming children of various different parents surrounded them and I suddenly felt very aware of my life that for a only a few hours, had left behind. She asked me where I lived now and when I told them it was hard not to notice their expression change. I heard myself speak - downplaying, giggling with embarrassment and I feared they still thought I was 'posh.' I should have been proud, but I never felt more self-conscious than very moment - and it only lasted a couple of moments. We didn't stay long before we rejoined the others to get the game started but after we came away we both said how odd it was and it affected the rest of our time there. Afterwards we went to the arcades, hand donuts and took pictures by the sea. We then drove back to theirs for pizza and a board games.
In the morning me as the boys watched TV, we both caught up about things as we always do - work, old friends, hobbies, and relationships.
Spending time with other couples always make me appreciate what I have and hold dear, it helps give perspective to things in my life and always on the drive home I have a bit of reflection when I look out the window and go over what was talked about in my mind. I feel comforted and alone all at the same time. Robs will always be my best friend but apart from her, I don't feel very close to many others at the moment. Only Chris. It made me think about if I ever was very close to any of them in the first place. It was as if the moment I went to Uni they cut me out completely and I never understood it. To be honest, it didn't bother me much because it was far too childish, all of it - the sort of friendships that weren't healthy, almost obsessive. I think they were jealous that they weren't able to get away from everything like I did and so they stayed permanently. I do envy their lives to a degree, housewives looking after little ones until the fathers come home, but then again, as much as it annoys me, I think I'm too proud of my work. I like looking at everything I own, knowing that i've earnt it. But then I feel guilty as I fear I sound like a snob. Going home always makes me feel like a snob, which makes sense as to why I don't really go back very much.
We will be there one day, I know it. It'll just be a little longer to wait...
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