We fly ten hours to get to Mexico, outside of the main holiday season for only a small window of time and by coincidence, I happen to bump into someone who's far from a stranger.
With an empty plate he walks me over to his table and introduced me to his girlfriend who was sitting waiting for his return. She had dark hair pulled back in a bun, tanned skin and wore false eyelashes. It would be difficult trying to pair him with someone in my mind because it wasn't a sight I saw much when we lived together at uni. But seeing her sat there and hearing the way she talked, they seemed to be a good fit. Chris came over and they all met, it wasn't awkward but then we didn't stay there long. We suggested meeting for some drinks one evening and left them to their evening.
It was a very surreal moment, one I would never have predicted. The last time me and Dan saw each other was a good few years ago, before me and chris got together. We nearly arranged meeting up at his flat a few times but I backed out at the last minuet, it could have easily have been another olive situation. I would get so flustered that someone like Dan could ever find me attractive that I wouldn't stop to question or think - I'd just go with the moment and worry about it later. I remember the time that I met him while me and Olive were together and when me and Dan got out of his car and got to his front door, he kissed me and that was that - I knew what the day would have in store and I didn't think about it any further, I just let it happen. Not one of my proudest moments of course but thinking about it reminds me of the power he had over me.
Although I didn't want to think about it too much, our past encounters did come back to me after seeing him and holding his firm body for a brief moment of embrace did remind me of the late night texts we'd exchange talking about all sorts of inappropriate things, a few pictures too. It was great fun and those times got me through some rather rough periods of my life. I have to remind myself that we did have 'the conversation' and he didn't always make me feel all that great, the webcam sessions whenever he was free and I suddenly had to make myself available, and hated how I felt afterwards. I suppose it was one of the more clinical sort of relationships I've had as it lacked real intimacy. Being naked was easy but there were no late night story telling, No embarrassing moments, no times we truly opened up to each other as it wasn't encouraged and, it isn't his style. He's a cool customer who keeps his cards close to his chest. Successful, his whole life is meticulously planned out with no space to deviate. He knows what he wants in a partner and we both knew that I was too much of my own character to be that girl. Perhaps I was his one moment of sailing against the wind? I will never know, but in some ways I like that we have our little secrets and I doubt I'll ever forget them.
We're all meeting this evening for drinks at a pleasant outside bar after the sun has set. I plan on getting pretty merry because I reckon I'll need it if trying to pretend that we've only ever been just mates, though Chris isn't stupid and probably knows that anyway. But I'll be fine, I've surprised myself many times before.
It will be nice to spend it in other peoples company and I don't doubt that they'll get on, so we'll just have to see how it goes!
*
I wonder if you could come to a place like this alone, on a solo venture. I'm sure people do it, but when I had lunch on my own while chris slept, I felt pretty uneasy surrounded by tables of couples, family's and friends. People here seem friendly enough, although 85% are from the UK so there's a sense of familiarity.
But with resort destinations you're not getting the true flavour of the city, but then again I'm not well travelled enough to take on the raw side of this country.
*
Last night actually turned out to be a fun evening. I drank a bit too much and ate too little so I was chatty and unphased by the potentially awkward situation. I suppose if we were invited and arranged the meeting, it wasn't likely going to be awkward. But I was a bit nervous. I knew that everyone would get on okay, but I was mainly concerned about my feelings towards him and if anything would take me by surprise. Would I be attracted to him, jealous of his new relationship, would I feel we'd suddenly have some unfinished business to clear up?
I didn't feel any of these things actually, in fact it solidified my feeling that we would never work together as he's 'not that deep' a guy, but I do feel he's new lady is lucky as I'm sure he spoils her. I spent most of the evening talking to her, we bonded over the fiascos of online dating (where they met,) work and laughing at uni experiences me and Dan shared. Me and him didn't have a lot of one on one chat but when he asked me a question he looked me straight in the eyes and I saw a little glimmer, it was a look I'd seen before and I didn't hide mine shining back at him. I wanted it to be a 'yes, I remember those times fondly' and I think he knew it. When I looked at him suddenly I was back in time to three years ago where I was single and a mess, we'd entertain each other in the ways we did cooly and secretively. Sometimes I wonder if it ever did happen, it just seems so unlikely with his immaculate body, successful career and expensive hobbies compared with my disorganised work life, bohemian attitudes and general artistic ways. It really is chalk and cheese but the times we did bond were certainly memorable.
The evening ended fairly late and we parted ways, he invited us to his flat to visit which was a nice gesture but who knows, I'm sure when we get back to the UK he'll have forgotten all about it.
Im happy to have seen him as it has sort of drawn a line under things but I also don't like knowing he could crop up on our remaining days unannounced and it puts me on edge a little bit. I don't want him to make me feel like that but he does. I'm also in holiday mode - I don't where makeup or bother straightening my hair which is something he's probably never seen, so I did feel a bit embarrassed I suppose. But hey, im not here to impress anybody. This is a holiday for me and chris after all.
Tomorrow is our last day and I'm looking forward to going home, we both are. It's been a lovely few days and I think my pale skins has turned a light brown hue which will surely peel away when we get home. I want to get back to normality, going to work and looking forward to the next venture, whatever that might be.
*
As our last afternoon draws in, I do wonder why he appeared as he did and caught me by surprise. I know it wasn't his plan and he didn't know I'd be here at the same time as him, but it does make you wonder. I also wonder if he's given it any further thought.
I suppose the thought resounding in my head as I reflect is: 'don't burn your bridges.' Imagine if we'd had a big fight or if one of us decided to be all immature? You just never know when your paths might meet again and this thought is actually rather comforting. When you say goodbye to someone, or you simply fade from each other's lives, is it really the end? I'm starting to doubt it.
*
Last day and I'm waiting in the airport of this surreal place.
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