Spent too much money on jackets. I've already got four, five? Maybe even 6 perfectly usable jackets, why on earth I thought I had unlimited money all of a sudden is just beyond me. It's an extorionate amount to be honest, the sort of figure I would never tell my mother! But hey, people have cars, people have pets and often have to shell out a few hundred a time to keep them going, why can't I have the occasional...jacket collapse? The difference being that people who have these things often have a purpose for them, they actually contribute something of value and importance to their life. I can't make that excuse for myself surely. It's true, I do have a sort of buyers guilt, but the purchases I make seem to be less frequent but more expensive. This is the bad side to working where I do, where it just seems completely fine to go ahead and spend more than you would ever have dreamed on just a simple piece of clothing. But I suppose it's about how it makes you feel. I've never had much in the way of confidence and clothing helps me hide away beneath it. People notice the dress, the shoes, the jacket first, not the face. That's all sorts of mess right there. But hey! People smoke, drink - I don't really do either of those things which of course are absolutely fine but expensive habits. I am thinking about not drinking again, because as much as I love how relaxed it makes me feel and how social it is to drink with others, it isn't all that fun for me. I hate how it makes me feel the next day, if it's one glass or a bottle I always feel rubbish and I know it's not doing my body any good. The thing is, saying it is putting it out there, the gauntlet is down and people react in all sorts of ways if people notice you ordering a coke instead of a G and T. People often assume that you're boring, and in turn it makes them feel conscious of what they're drinking. It's much the same as vegetarianism. I love being one and am proud that I've been one all my life, but others look at differently and often I'm embarrassed to bring it up when I'm put in the position.
But I know all I really want to drink from this point on is tap water and black coffee, so, who cares what I do or don't do? Hold on, haven't got the jacket on just yet!
Sigh.
So next month we're moving again. I'm so pleased that we've decided to stay where we are now. To start off with I did want to live in London again, but as we looked around and it was clear that anything in our budget was a complete hole, it just made me feel so incredibly sad. I didn't want to leave the calm life we have where we live currently, and so what I have to pay for the commute, at least my home is home and we've space for our hobbies, we can take our furniture and there's carpet! Ah, a rare find in a London flat. Not unless you want to pay £2,500+ a month! It's mad. It hits home how long it's going to take for me to finally get on that property ladder but I'm not as keyed up about it as I used to be a few months ago. Also, my maternal instincts although still there have piped down a lot thankfully. It'm happy the pressure has been relieved, I think chris is too. It means I can focus on the now without any hint of resentment. It probably explains the jacket thing - before I was on a proper penny pinching bender, now, I need to be a bit more so!
Alright, let's get this day started!
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