Grass isn't always greener on the other side - sometimes it's dried up in the sun before you even get there

Lord knows what today will bring, I suppose I've just got to be ready for anything. I can't see past assuming the worst, I wish I could but it's proving difficult. 

It's frustrating, uncomfortable and unsettling. I know it can't keep on being like this and with every awkward phone call, mistake I make and fabric name I learn, I know I'll get it all in time. But I don't know if I want to wait that long. I miss my life 6 months ago.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. 

I'll do what I can and try and keep on powering through this week, but it really is looking unlikely that I'll stay. It doesn't feel right, I know it from my bones. 

Tomorrow I think I'll be meeting an old colleague from work which will be nice, it'll be interesting to see how I feel when I see her and we catch up on things. Will it be a feeling of 'aw I miss this!' Or 'oh god yeah I remember all that, sounds terrible' but I doubt it. Those rose tinted lenses are on now and everything looks better than where I am right now.

I met wither my brother yesterday which was lovely. It was a meet up purely for me to vent my frustrations and talk about work and where I find myself now. He suggested that the absolute worst thing I could do is go back to where I was before as I wasn't happy there. But after what I've been through in the past couple of months or so, it's nothing in comparison.

I can't hold on to the hopes of going back though, it's probably not possible. I'm going to have to do something else...

I need to make the next move whatever it is, calculated and well thought out. Not just dive into whatever because it's an escape.