Everyone is fighting a battle you will never know

"I don't want to be the one the battles always choose" 

It was a truly sad moment when I learnt of Chester Bennington's death last night. This news shock me more than I thought it would, my heart sank and to be honest, I nearly cried. It wasn't because I was once a massive fan of his work, I wasn't really. But the sounds of Hybrid Theory were a big part of my adolescence. His band were on the music channels, in the clubs and pubs we used to visit, at the parties, the lyrics typed in MSN screen names, album sleeves printed on T shirts. It was a band that opened the eyes of many, such poignant lyrics of so much hurt and pain, it helped others get through tough times. So, that image of strength, togetherness, power, shouty-angst that every teenager wanted to be a part of who struggled to fit in, has now been shattered. If I was ever in doubt about my grown-upness, it certainly feels clear now as this reality is very real. Depression is such a devastating illness. 

It might be appear that everything is fine on the surface, and for Chester, it looked as though he had everything he could possibly want; a fantastic, successful career, respect, an amazing home, wealthy, beautiful wife and children. But he was must have been deeply sad and in a very dark place. Which goes to show, no amount of material possessions or stardom can protect you, or satisfy your soul. 

It saddens me to the core that he made a decision last night, to not be here anymore. He didn't want to be on this planet, as himself, as a human, on this earth...he decided to end it all. It's just, on another level of sadness. So complex but so...common. This happens every single day, individuals can't handle the struggle on their own and can't feel like they can talk about it, they can't communicate how they feel. Maybe they don't feel like anyone would understand. We have to combat this, break down what society has built up around us that we all have to pretend that everything is amazing and perfect when the reality is different. 

It's okay to not be okay. 

Hopefully mental health will be given the same level of understanding as physical health...it's just...too close to home.