Anxiety at an all time high

I want to cry, but not really because i'm sad. Maybe I am, I can't really tell at the moment.
It's been a buy week with highs and lows but mainly uncertainty. I remember how change isn't really something i'm good at processing and i've been utterly exhausted at the end of each day, but I hope it will get better. I really don't know if this is a step forward for me, I feel very unsure. I don't think I've made a mistake, but I do wonder how it will all work out a few months down the line. It's so tiring be 'the new girl,' I want to skip this phase entirely and just...blend in to the background.
Many characters in the walls, it's a big place - walking through it pushes my anxiety every time. I feel like i'm in school again. School wasn't full of my best memories...
It's sunday afternoon and i'm not looking forward to tomorrow, a whole new week ahead of me, I feel a bit of dread. But I cannot share this with anyone, no, it's got to be 110% enthusiasm all the way because this is meant to be a good, positive thing. But sometimes things may appear one way but actually be another. Time will tell, but I am scared. I have no career identity. I have no path, I'm a mess. I can't dart about like I used to because I want to build something that's mine, something that's real everyone says that time is on my side but, what if it's not?
Maybe I will never know.
I looked out of the car window today looking into the cars as they passed and into their little worlds for a few seconds. I look at their expressions, the way they hold the wheel, the way they're talking to others inside or perhaps their on their own. I wonder what they're thinking about, talking about, what problems they're facing, what fears silently lingering on the backs of their minds. Were they actually just faking to, it like me? It might look like they have everything they could possibly want in the world, but in reality they also just want to run away?

I like to think so. We probably all have far more in common than we choose to believe.