'you are repressed but remarkably dressed'

Surprisingly, the past couple of weeks have gone by quicker than I imagined and I haven't had much time to write or gather any thoughts. I've been distracting myself with the vice's of online shopping and pesky youtube tutorials, which I know I won't have any time to enjoy in two weeks time. I feel relieved that a date has been set but of course, it's straight after the weekend. It keeps me on my toes though and change like this will always feel a little too soon. They want me there, that's the main thing to remember.

 

Some times have felt more like a chore than others, especially the commute home but I'm trying to look at the positives while i'm still here, and think about all the things I might miss when my routine is broken and I'm no longer in London.

I realise that this job is what keeps me here, in this city and although it drives me crazy, it also keeps me making the effort. It's nice to feel a part of something, the buzz and hum of the busy streets, horns beeping, people yelling. The suits that dart and dive through the swarms, the ladies who flick their perfectly coloured hair with immaculate nails that tap on their smart phones sporting the perfect pout. I realise i'll miss the underground the most, the little domed carriages that have held me through many tubes on my way to different places. The familiar smokey smell, the warmth that hits as soon as you dip under on the escalators, the multi-coloured posters now in motion, advertising the latest west end shows. And as you walk along the platforms, the people who stand with their suitcases pointing at the maps, the ones in another world who stand in the way blissfully unaware of the tutting of others walking by. And then the roar in the distance, the beams of light that pull into view before the gusts of wind snatch at your clothes which always pisses me off.

Then you're on, it's usually a squeeze but if I'm in an okay mood, I don't really mind. And very occasionally, a romance washes over me and I feel a small connection with a fellow standing next to me, perhaps we made brief eye contact, maybe we didn't - but regardless of this, I wonder what we look like together to the other strangers. I picture myself with this unknown person, the house we would have, the sound of their laughter, imagine their smile as we plan and embark on adventures. Our arms might brush past one another and as they move away and leave the train to carry on their day, I thank them in my mind for the little journey we shared and I wonder if they had sensed any of it at all. It's these little moments I will miss very much, I doubt i'll have the opportunity to be that close to anyone in any other circumstance in my new commute which will take a fraction of the time.

I suppose it's something I will always do, perhaps it's human to think like this. To 'window shop' and imagine how different my life could be. I don't doubt the comfort I feel at where I am with who i'm with, but occasionally I drop into these thoughts and rather enjoy them. It's in my nature to be curious, but that is all it is.

 

'Here is London

'home of the brash, outrageous

and free'

you are repressed

but you're remarkably dressed

is it Real?'