Jealousy

Jealousy is a funny thing. It can hit you out of nowhere and make you question things you didn't before. Earlier this morning I spent a while putting together a post for an online advise forum but as I clicked submit the internet cut out or something, and it didn't post. It's probably for the best really, as when I read it back, I know what I would say if this was an unknown stranger. 

 

'You can't compare her success against your own, it doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Her success doesn't mean that you aren't good at what you do, and eventhough she may be very talented and like to use some of your ideas, she's still putting her own spin on it. She is also a lot more proactive on social media whereas you are not, so of course she'll get more recognition. Power through and try and turn your negative thoughts around, keep painting and drawing what you love, something will give in the end...'  

_{Me and Kat have been best friends since we were about 11, when we were just starting secondary school. We were inseparable right from the get go, sharing the same sense of humour, hobbies, love of music and art. We are still very close now even though we went to different Uni's and now both live in different cities. We always wrote each other letters or spoke on the phone for hours and still do. I feel a little embarrassed to write this out really because I don't want to feel this way at all. But recently, (I feel ashamed to admit this,) I've become rather jealous of her success.} 

_{Generally speaking, I'm not a jealous person at all! Which is why this has caught me a bit off guard.} 

_{We both took very similar subjects at school and we used to sit together or go to each other's houses to finish up coursework. We were both good at art but approached it in different ways; I'd work away for hours and hours on sketchbooks and finished pieces whereas she'd be a little last-minuet and haphazard, yet still be able to knock it out the park. She is a very talented individual and very charming and endearing too, so she was always able to have deadlines extended or our tutors would let her off if she had forgotten about some homework or something. I would help her out if I could, and it was natural to share ideas and techniques because we both enjoyed the subject so much. I would find that she would copy me sometimes and the work I'd done, but I suppose I just thought that came with territory, art is heavily influenced by other artists and designers.} 

_{This went on and we finished with the same grades, went to uni to do similar courses, both did well. And now although art is neither of our professions, we both do drawing and painting in our free time. We catch up frequently and share our latest stuff on social media both building followers and sometimes get a few commissions along the way.}

_{I respect her as a person and as an artist, so when things started to take off for her, I was really pleased for her. I never tried to rain on her parade, I was and still am enthusiastic and encouraging of everything she does. I just stuck with doing my own thing. But over recent few months, I have noticed that she’s started to copy me again. I don’t try to look for similarities in our work, in fact for many months I gave her benefit of the doubt saying ‘oh we’re similar people, we like similar things, it’s just a coincidence.’}

_{It’s not like at school where it would be the same famous painting, or sketchbook page-layout, but it’s my actual ‘style.’ And what stings is…she’s copying me and she’s doing it so much better than me! It’s difficult to describe in words, but I’ll do an intricate drawing of an unusual subject using mixed media and I’ll quietly put it up on my website. The next week, I’ll see a very, very similar piece up on her social media page, same subject, same materials, perhaps subtly using a couple of different colours, but it’s pretty much the same thing. I see that it’s swamped with likes, people can’t get enough of her amazing style. So, I’ll do something else, I’ll use some different materials/colour combinations and come up with a couple of abstract canvas’s for a change. A few days later, suddenly she’s stopped doing mixed media drawings but coming out with abstract canvas paintings. And they look beautiful, so much better than what I cobbled together initially. She came over to my house a little while ago, we cook together, hang out, catch up and she wants to look at some of my recent work ‘in the flesh’ and she catches something new I’m working on which I’m really proud of. Low and behold, the following week I see that she’s doing the exact same thing, out of nowhere. And it looks fantastic, people love it, people are sharing it left right and centre. Her boyfriend even commented on what I had done saying it was ‘a great take on what Kat had done’ – even though mine was posted days before hers, and I hadn’t even seen what she had been doing. I really don’t want to sound petty, but it’s starting to get to me now. I don’t want this to get in the way of our friendship but I can’t deny that it is. I feel I want to be more secretive about what I want to do and I’ve stopped doing as much as I used to. I go on social media less and less largely because I see her posts and how well she’s doing and it just makes me feel bad about my own work. Sigh. Doesn't that sound pathetic?} 

_{I know that art means different things to different people, and that some may not like my work and love hers, and vice versa. And that’s okay, I’m not jealous of the fact that people love her work, it’s very difficult not to! But it’s that she uses my ideas and does them so much better! Is that even something I should be a bit upset about? Maybe I should just accept the fact that she is simply better than me. And I’m not trying to say that to put myself down or anything, I suppose it’s just the facts and it’s a little difficult to swallow.}  

_{Is this something I should bring up with her?}