Everyone's just doing what they can to get through life. Isn't it sad though, how things have become?
I'm in one of those mind-wandering, thoughtful moods today where I look about and just think everything my eyes lands on is amazing - by just, simply being there, being a physical thing that my eyes are registering! It's interesting how everything is just 'normal,' we're all so used to seeing incredible things every day - The designs of the streets and how they're formed, the systems, procedures, cars driving past, the transport network firing up for the day, people circulating the streets on their way to work for a company, making money for an even bigger company - paying the salaries of hundreds of other people, to fund their lives, their families, homes...it's too much to take in! It's like i'm on a drug-educed trip, where something has clicked into place in my mind and i'm finally seeing things for what they are - fucking brilliant!
This trip will inevitably come to a grinding halt as they always do. I'm sure my brain doesn't have the energy to keep these observations up. I'm sure that tomorrow I will wake up in the morning and see only grey walls, cramped train carriages and peoples misery staring right straight through me, business as usual. I'm in one of those sorts of moods where I know that if I tried my hand at something arty, it would take. I'd skip through that hour and half of faffing around, opening books up, starting on one page to close it again, tearing up papers, pouring out paints to be dissatisfied with everything I attempt. But alas, i'm at work where such creativity is impossible! I hope i'll still feel like this when I return home this evening, but we shall see. I'll try and keep feeding my inspiration.
Today is a new day. I woke up this morning to find that i'm still alive. To most this would be such a daft statement; 'but of course!' would probably be their assumption. But are we right to assume this, even if we're in good health, out of harms way? Why should I assume that my heart won't stop beating in the middle of the night? I remember once in my GCSE days a science teacher was explaining how fitness levels are dependant on the resting beats per minuet, she showed diagrams, went into details about how to monitor these things. As she drew her talks to a close, she mentioned how 'maybe each heart carries a set amount of beats and when it hits that total, it stops...some people think that,' and then with a shrug drifted on to another topic. It always stuck with me though, that thought of the heart just stopping when it's numbers are up. Really, there is no way of knowing. She only meant it as a throw away comment, but it interested me. It reminds me of the 21 grams idea - the weight of a human soul. When the body dies suddenly 21 grams is lost and nobody knows where it goes. Mysterious!
It's surprising to think that with how far technology has come, with so much we know about our world right now, there are still lots of theories that haven't been answered. Perhaps they never will be. I like that though, why should we know everything about everything? Life would be very different if that were the case.
Sigh.
I should probably get back to work. I've spent so much money on art supplies recently, but feel I can justify it all because it's engaging that creative side of my mind which has been dormant lately. I did a few different things at the weekend which was nice, it was perfect actually. My new desk all set up with everything just where I want it, speakers on, music playing, ready to paint, draw and get making. It went too quickly. I wish I could do it forever. To make a living from it all would be an absolute dream...who knows, maybe one day.
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