Listening to an album I adored 10 years ago. The familiarity took me straight back to the faded seafront as I walked to school in my usual early fashion and for a moment I forgot where I was or where I was going. The train pulled into the station and I caught a younger self looking past me, what would they think of me if they saw me now? Would they believe me if I told them I was from the future and a very brief history of uni life and what followed after? I doubt it.
Monday mornings still feel the same as they did back then, I wonder if I'll ever find enjoyment in a new start to the week. Only perhaps if it was a holiday! I want to, but the early mornings where it's cold and damp on the air - that fizzy sort of rain which manages to get around and under an umbrella and you seem to look foolish for even bothering to protect yourself. I slipped over in the traffic lights and felt so humiliated. It didn't hurt and I didn't swear, but I was a nice lil kick to wake me up, to remind me that I've got to stay in the game, I can't get wrapped up in thinking about the past.
The past two nights I've woken myself up to the sounds of my own moaning - not the pleasurable kind, no no. It's the attempts of me screaming but my voice box is still sleepy so it's more of a sad, whimpering groan. I remember feeling that panic when I was very young, the vivid dreams and trying to call out to mum but no noise would escape my mouth - I could feel myself trying and the movements of my lips but my tongue was heavy. Now I feel it for only a short moment before chris scoops me up in his arms and I feel so safe again.
I wonder why I'm getting these nightmares? It's always of things colliding towards me; yesterday it was furniture in the darkness and this morning it was rats. I'm not afraid of either situation but it was so quick and so shocking in these nightmares I only wanted to scream.
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