Waves

I suppose I can't be surprised that things have been catching up with me recently, it's bound to effect my moods at some points. I'm not used to giving in, though. I feel like i'm letting it win in some way, that I let my guard down for one moment and bam! It hits me like a wave pressing down on my shoulders and pulling me into dark the sea. But I am very fortunate to have a support system to help me work through these times when they hit, which is mainly my dad. He listens and gives me positive advise, he doesn't mind me just calling him up to simply moan about things outside of everyones control. I am very lucky indeed.

I try talking to Chris about these things too, but I get the feeling he's not as well practiced in this field. That's okay, though, it's just I know I need to remember this. He doesn't think ahead when he talks about things, would never sugar-coat, no. It is exactly as he says it is, or he won't say anything at all. In some way it's respectable, I suppose that's where we are both very different.

 

It has been tough, maybe it's this time of year. It's cold as the morning stirs and it's dark when I leave work. Festive lights and smells line the busy city streets but people don't look up at the displays, they're each on their own mission to their front doors. I want to revel and delight but it is difficult when there isn't anyone around to share it all with. I've already wrapped up most of my presents in front of DVD's feeling rather...numb. I've tried to get it all sorted sooner rather than later as 'later' I won't be as fluid with funds! In fact even now i'm feeling the pinch. But I hope that it'll get better as time goes on and January moves closer. Early next month we'll be moving everything possible into the new flat, I think I'll move in after that. I don't want to be living in a bare space, at least now i'm surrounded by all my comfort things. When they go it'll be too hard!

I've still got my fingers crossed for the future, still hoping that things will fall into place work-wise. I dearly, dearly hope so. It isn't fading yet, I still believe it's true...