Missing

What a surreal weekend it has been, a few ups but some real, low, downers too.

Chris's granddad passed away last night.

 

I feel dazed, like my head is in a bubble, only certain sounds are getting through to my ears and my vision feels a little fuzzy. I almost feel a bit guilty for feeling this way because I didn't know him all that well, he wasn't a family relation of my own. But the way it has effected Chris and his wonderful family has just been...devastating. It was so quick, hardly any warning. From one moment we were watching the formula 1 in our familiar sports bar with friends, the next Chris is packing up his bag and heading for hospital. When he told me what they found it was, it rang a bell with me and I realised it was what my dear grandmer had about 10 years ago now. It was an intense few days but she pulled through it and I was confident Bob would to, as he's a fit, positive chap - it just didn't seem to cross my mind at all that the worst would happen. I was careful with what I said though, adapting to the changes as they occurred with him.

As the evening wore on, Chris texted me saying it wasn't good news. When he phoned a few moments later to hear him crying just broke me to pieces. We sobbed together and he had to go, but at least he was there, he got to see him one last time, and he was with all of his family. They are all so strong. 

Bob was always smiling, he was just such a joy to be around. So relaxed, charming, with so many stories he delighted in telling. He was to kind, generous and warm. He never failed to make me laugh or anyone else for that matter. But what I loved most about him and the memory that will stay the strongest, is the way that he loved his wife; Rose. I've never seen love like it before - almost child-like, they used to giggle and wind each other up but were never mean. They had built a wonderful family together and I felt so privileged to have known him for the short time that I did. 

He will be missed ever so much, I do hope that his family are coping, I wish there was something I could do to make it all better for them.

I feel so numb. 

 

I worry for Chris, too as it is the first time their family has gone through something like this before. I think he feels he's expected to remain strong even though he doesn't feel like he can be. I've also never found myself in this position, to help a loved one during the grieving process. It's very difficult to know what to say, I've not been in this situation myself since being an adult - which i'm grateful for, as it's awful. I just don't want to be apart from him, but I don't want to seem as though i'm smothering him. I hope he feels as though he can tell me things if he wants...

 

Time is a great healer, and I hope that as each day goes by things will get better. It's so sad that this has come at a time so close to Christmas, but then there's never a good time for these things. I was in the middle of painting him a present but I will finish it and give it to Rose, if it seems appropriate.

 

:( 

 

I'm heading back to our flat this evening which will be the first time at rush hour. I hope it won't be too stressful, I could do with it being nice and straight forward but we shall see what the trains have in store.

A quiet, calm train ride wouldn't be such a bad thing to be honest...