It's one of my favourite weather days - chilly but bright. The winter sun is just so beautiful, I walked through the park this morning feeling pretty darn content considering it's only Wednesday.

I wish I had some more exciting things to write about, my life feels rather repetitive at the moment. It might not be strictly true, but it feels like it. Every now and then, a startling moment hits me and that is:

One day, I won't be here anymore. 

It's rather bleak, I know, but I don't think of it in that way. It is simply inevitable. I want to have a long and fruitful life, but you just don't know what might be around the corner. You can never know for certain. My heart speeds up as I try and process the magnitude of the thought - because although we know it, as humans we're programmed to accept it, as we lead our day by day lives, it's easily forgotten about. It's easy to think that it's just you, but of course nobody is exempt.

So after the thought subsides as I agree with myself that there isn't a lot I can do about this fact - only try to prevent it as best as possible, I try and focus on enjoying the moment, whatever moment it may be. It sounds almost sickening to say, it's a saying we hear all the time - usually written in fake-handwriting outlines with a artful, picturesque shot of some girl having a great time or whatever, plastered over everyone's social media pages. But it is true. So I may not be standing on the Miami bay, a nice size 4, sipping on a cocktail waiting to go on a yacht for a party (I promise this isn't really my idea of heaven!) but it's the mundane you've got to try and see a sort of fun in. Because, that's all I have at the moment. It takes a good deal of energy - and practice! It's not something you can just snap your fingers at and just 'do' because this city puts these negative blinkers over your eyes. It's like breaking out of the fast-food habit in a way. 

'Be Kind To Yourself' is a phrase I've picked up on recently, it likes to crop up again every now and then. I rather like it. I think about it as I look on the internet, look about the shops. So much of what we buy, wear, do is all playing off insecurities. Feel ugly? This product will make you look beautiful. Are you a repulsive size twelve? Drink this and do this work-out routine and you'll be attractive. Single? Do this, this and buy all of this and suddenly you'll have all the boys after you!

It's just so...sad. I know it's always been this way, but somehow it feels like its getting worse. Everyone is so connected, always on a device of some kind, it's so easy for corporations to stick their hooks in at every chance they get. I fall for it just like the rest. I long to be able to ignore it and get back into control once more, but it'll take time. It's like a sugar detox - one needs a media detox every once in a while...