Dazed

It has been a surreal couple of days, although everything remains the same. I'm a little dazed to be honest. I know this is the change I want to see but it's sudden and also rather daunting, I don't know whether i'm coming or going.

It's just the tedious job hunting process that's weighing me down, but I knew it wasn't going to be easy. Things that are worth waiting for rarely are. On the one hand, I enjoy the mammoth task; the trawling through the pages of links with bullet points and summary's, the reams of requests and dwindling salary expectations. I like seeing it all as a giant puzzle and picking my way through all the 'edge' sections first, every now and then I might come across a nice corner piece! Usually by the time I find anything suitable for me, i'm the 50th applicant or something and right at the bottom of the pile. But there's nothing to lose by giving it a go, so I still plough on through.

Chris hopes that there may be an opportunity at his new offices that would be good for me, but I'm sceptical as it would be too good to be true. I don't want to get too excited by the idea, the company is very cool and the chances are they'd pay something similar to what i'm earning at the moment. But, it's all 'maybes' at the moment and I can't invest too much energy in it, because if it doesn't come to anything then i'll feel so sad.

Could it be a case of 'not what you know, its who you know'? I hope so. I don't want to spend hundreds of pounds commuting to a job that feels such a drag already, being only half an hour across the way. I know it'll make me even more resentful to how I feel now and I'll start blaming my negative mood on other things, like the move to a new town. When really I know this is all good stuff, as well as supporting my significant other in his dreams, it's also giving me the nudge to get out. 'If you're looking for a sign, then this is it' springs to mind.

 

But things could be worse, and to be fair, this is the sort of job that many people would happily commute to. It's just, not my ideal situation. Just need to keep on keeping on and hope that something will appear to take me away from all of this.

 

Our landladies daughters are popping over this evening, it'll be the first time I've met them and I suppose i'm a little nervous. I don't know how much they know about the flat and could be pretty sceptical. I hope they'll be friendly though, we'll have to see. I'll be pleased when it's out the way though as its been a long time coming. Afterwards I want to get lost in a film and eat something rubbish, like pizza followed by chocolate. Such indulgence, so bad for me, sigh. I'm hoping the move will give me a new healthy outlook where food doesn't determine my happiness...