Sunday

Drinking cold coffee whilst looking outside at the summer gradually turning to autumn. In leafy places it's a lot clearer to see the transition, watching the trees slowly change colour.
It's been a very chilled, quiet, calm weekend which I've really felt in the need for, as last week was pretty rough in terms of work. Instead of firing off at people or just telling them honestly about how I feel, I bottle it all up and stew it over inside which eventually turns into some sort of infection. Which is what happened.
It's almost like a punishment, oh, not telling people how you truly feel? We'll kick you in all your pleasurey senses, undetectable by doctors and it'll take you a good week or two to recover. But I suppose i'm learning how to read the signs better. And giving myself credit where credit is due, I did actually tell them I wouldn't be taking on the extra responsibilities and would revert back to my part time hours as before. Now I've actually put it out there, I feel better about the idea and am taking it as a 'fizzling out' gesture as opposed to going back a step. I want to leave anyway, what's the point of stressing myself out over something I don't want to do? I kept telling myself that I didn't have a choice when really I did. So I took it. It's been pretty chaotic what with coinciding with the bustiest time of year, lots going on. Everyone was telling me different things, I sat through some mind-numbing 'hand-over' chat with the lady going on maternity leave, coming away feeling more frustrated and upset than before I went in. My good nature has been well and truly taken advantage of but they're dressing it up as a 'this will good for your career' garbage - I know i'm just plugging a hole for them. I hope that when I eventually go back to my part time hours, they'll actually realise how much work I do there and see what a mistake they made. And when that does sink in, I'll be long gone.