No friend of mine

Well, what a weekend it was. I'm actually rather relieved that it's completed and I can go back to normality. I've a spring in my step because I've a bow in my hair and it's a short week for me.  I'm looking forward to devoting a few days to sorting out my career. It's a bit of a statement, but hey, you've got to start somewhere! At least I've got a little bit of a plan and I know I'll start to feel better about things when I've got stuck into it.

 

Saturday evening was a new experience for me and one I never want to endure again. It also reminded me of the feelings I felt after I came home after an awful weekend in York with Sian and her mum - the wonderful moment of the train doors closing behind me as I left knowing I never had to return. I knew that I needed to have a similar separation from Ellie, for she was no friend of mine. It was purely a superficial bond for her and it always had been. As soon as she met me I felt her eyes look me up and down, checking out the competition as she was probably after Chris all along and there I was, appeared out of nowhere, swooping in and stole him away. I never really warmed to her, but she was persistent and she did have a good sense of humour. I knew from the off that £60 was too much money for me to spend on dinner, I should have stuck to my guns the first time around when I said I couldn't make it. But her panicked reply made me feel bad, so I went along with it.

What I thought would be an overpriced meal with a black and gold dress code, turned out being a 4 hour long ammeter dramatics performance presented with two cold mouthfuls of food; an opera of 5 courses; paint-brushed sauce arranged with single vegetables and squares of bread interspersed with actors and actresses in garish costumes interacting with everyone seated making lewd comments (sometimes sexual,) in a damp and dingy basement. From the moment I got there I wanted to go home. It was a long evening of looking at the time and trying to look as though I was enjoying myself, whilst making no eye contact with anyone. Drinks were not included, but it didn't matter because alcohol would have taken no effect whatsoever, I was just so totally on edge. Drugs on the other hand...was a tempting thought (imagine dropping acid in that environment!?)

In addition to all of this, we were unable to have a conversation anyway because were seated opposite each other with all this noise and commotion going on at the same time, but I could see she was pissed off that I wasn't revelling in it. As soon as the opportunity arose to leave, we did. I tried to explain to her that as much as I enjoyed that it existed, it just wasn't to my taste at all. Pompous cuisine served with one set of cutlery whilst being a part of a show, watching everyone get served joints of lamb while I was presented with a single mushroom with a sprinkling of crunchy barley, just wasn't my cup of tea. - And it's okay not to like that sort of thing. I am comfortable in my opinion on the subject thank you very much! And in my mind, that was me saying goodbye to her completely. I know it wasn't her fault, but she guilted me in to going with her and constantly seeked my approval throughout the evening instead of just letting me get on with it. I didn't want to, but I did resent her for it.

I enjoyed telling Chris all about it when I got home and I know he has my support, as he doesn't like her very much at all. At least I spent £60 on an interesting anecdote, one can never have to many of them surely. 

It makes me feel sorry for her and her insecurities, but I don't miss the days of Sian one bit and I know that she's playing me just as she did - we're not on the same level of maturities and I'm not going to do her any more favours because I feel bad for her. Ultimately, i'm the looser. I much prefer the company of the lads anyway.

 

I hope today goes by quickly and tomorrow too. I had an idea of maybe going to visit Robs at home for an afternoon, which would be a lot of fun. It might be a bit too expensive though, and knowing me I'll spend all the time beforehand gearing up to see her instead of doing anything on my CV or any of that stuff that I've planned to do. It would be good to see her and catch up. Perhaps we can share in our feelings of sadness at not being where we want to be in our lives! Although saying that, she appears very settled these days which I am very happy to see. Her man seems to be a good influence on her, she's got a new job and soon they'll be moving in together which is great. She likes being at home and I'm starting to see why. I fear I'm beginning to tire of London life...