We were both tired on Friday evening. Both tired, demotivated and saddened by our work situations. It was the wrong time talk 'big chat' but it seemed to happen that way and it ended up with me getting teary eyed wondering what I was doing with this person. My emotions were turbulent, from being excited to feeling lost and confused. I knew deep down that he just says things as he sees them, the first thought that comes into his head is the first to come out of his mouth - he was just opening up. But it made me feel insecure and worried, which in turn made me feel stupid and frustrated at myself because it was all daft stuff to be thinking about anyway. 

He was daydreaming about moving to Australia to live and work, to experience the sunshine and different work environment, just get lost in an adventure. I smiled at the idea but knew that family being so far away it wasn't something I could really do. He said that the likelihood of saving for a house could take five years or more, that he was finding it hard to save as things were. I knew this of course but hearing it all made me feel sad. I mentioned that the cost of moving to a new country would probably be as much as a deposit for a house, that it all takes is to put aside each month and it'll build up over time. My body went cold, I said I didn't want to stop him from travelling or going on adventures, I mean his work can easily allow him to do these things. But for me it's different. It's tempting to throw everything up in the air and start again, especially after hearing the news about how my work is going to change in the near future. 

'But, I want things in a few years time, it sounds silly to say it but it's true, it's just in my bones I can't deny it,' he nodded, he knew it of course ' how about we go out there for a year and I fertilise the shit out of you when we get back!?' He joked, I grinned, I wish it could be reality. Maybe I could. If I knew it would happen in the next couple of years then it's something I would do in a heartbeat. Perhaps a bit irresponsible? I felt so young in that moment, wanting such great big things when we haven't really known each other for very long. But I had to tell him what was on my mind. And eventhough the timing could have been better, I'm glad we did and he was to. We went out to buy cookies and chocolate and got back in and watched a film. Everything was okay again, he shared that he couldn't help but get carried away after all, he hadnt been living independently for very long. 

'Is it scary though, did that scare you a bit?' I ask, 'no. Not with you,' he said firmly 'I've not felt that with anyone before.' 

So, that's nice.