This is what being 26 feels like.
Pretty similar to 25 to be honest, but then I suppose that's a good thing really. I wasn't expecting anything majorly different.
But then again, I've never felt luckier.
A message came through and my phone made its familiar chirp noise, I didn't really expect much from it. A name came up that I didn't recognise with a link, I first assumed it was spam but as a clicked the link and saw it went to a vague album I looked over the passed messages. I saw talk of comedy yet I noted my responses were a little cagey - then it all came flooding back - it was Drew, the incredibly intense guy I met up with for the most bizzar date I have ever endured. And it certainly was an endurance.
I closed it down and didn't think anything more of it, but it lingered. What is he sending me music like that for? I simply put 'lovely,' and I saw her was typing a response.
'Didn't mean to send you that, eventhough it is.'
Of course, that irritating attitude came right back to me like a punch in the face - the irritation I somehow find intriguing. I left it because I didn't want to answer it, I knew he was waiting for me to come out with 'oh how are you!?' And all that but I wasn't going to fall into the trap.
'You hurt me. You were one of the main reasons I had my breakdown. I got over it but it was hard.'
My stomach sunk a bit, eventhough I knew there was no way this guy could be in my life, I knew he couldn't help being the way he was and the way I left things was pretty brutal (well to him anyway.) I did feel bad for upsetting him, though it was due to his own flaws.
'Was I too desperate?'
I wanted to say yes, but I remembered his sensitivity and I didn't feel I needed to score hurt points now, I wouldn't gain anything by it.
'You were a whirlwind of creativity, humour and music and as great as that was you were also incredibly intense,' I typed, knowing that he'd find something dissatisfying in there somewhere. Sure enough he followed with more bitterness and 'I'm so much better now, you saw that side of me but I've changed now,' sort of thing.
He needs mental help, that much is true. Someone who chats like he's worldly and wise yet has nothing to show for his life.
'I know go with the flow, and you're certainly not that!' He jibed at me, saying I'd settled for a relationship that was dull and repressed. Well now I'm not a drifter if that's what you mean I felt like saying. I found he worked me up too much, I had to distance myself. Being nice just wasn't enough, it wasn't going to give him what he wanted. He was still full of the same bullshit 'I've studied humans all my life,' one moment and then 'I'm a trained actor' the next, 'I know what people want,' I've never met an ego like it before.
He wanted to know more about Chris but I wasn't going to tell him anything at all, i mean I didn't trust this guy and still don't, he's mentally unhinged and if worry for his safety.
'Well I think this concludes our little chat,' I wrapped up, for I couldn't continue to get wound up anymore. He wanted me to go and see one of his stand up shows - could you imagine!? He'd be appalling for sure. I've let curiosity get the better of me many times but I'm not giving in this time, hell no. I'm glad he feels I've allowed him some sort of closure, but honestly. I wish him well. I hope he softens as one goes on.
No comments:
Post a Comment