Give them what they want

Control. Once upon a time I would never have thought i'd have been one of those sorts of people who unknowingly lets the idea of 'control' invade the flow of every day life, but recently I have discovered that it has.
On the one hand, I look at my life as a random, abstract sort of thing where I awake in the morning faced with the fact that I am still here, the earth is still turning and there's a day ahead of me to...live through.
But then on the other side, I worry that I'm not achieving what I should be. As soon as something doesn't pan out the way I'd like it to in one way, I find other distractions to help keep me preoccupied from the...well, fear I suppose. I'm aware it's happening but I don't know why it is. I know I shouldn't let myself fall into those traps again because in the past it has never made me feel any better about things. It's taking on too much for my mind to handle and in turn, I don't notice the little things that really matter.

I was hoping for a productive weekend and in some ways it has been, but not as much as I'd originally hoped for. But then, I always set myself these rather ridiculous targets. I'm going to try and do some drawing today and see how it goes. I've got headphones in my ears, listening to music feels soothing, I just want to get lost in the lines and try and forget about what's bothering me. Will my mind allow it?