Oh, I'm back standing here once again - a train platform taking me somewhere I don't want to go. These feelings take me back to the days where I lived in Cambridge, doing that awful commute to London, I'd look at everyone else and admire whatever they were doing which didn't resemble getting on a train.
I should look at those memories and feel glad that at least I'm not back to that routine again. But somehow I am unable to feel any comfort in it. My body feels heavy and I miss that spring in my step. I hate feeling trapped like this, I just want to leave.
Dad advises that I just try and get as much enjoyment out of the day as possible because, we only have 'now.' It's very wise and truthful I know, but it's hard to put into practice. I know that if my life were to end tomorrow and I'd look back over flashbacks of today and my feelings towards it, I'd be annoyed at myself. Because it's a beautiful day; bright sunshine, deep blue sky and fresh on the air. It's a perfect day. Today could be the best day of my life for all I know - which is unlikely of course. But why do I believe that it'll be an awful day instead of a brilliant one?
I feel sad that I haven't heard from any applications, that's weighing on me a lot. Chris says I just need to be patient, that I will have an interview at some point, it's just when. And, I know this, i think back to times where I did all the job hunting before and know I had to apply to many, maybe jobs before making any sort of progress. I wish I could stay motivated.
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