Act my own age

And here I find myself intrigued once again with this person I've never met. Yesterday evening after Ellie left after a day of catching up, we exchanged a few messages just finding out more about each other. In the past it's just been broken sentences and strange quotes that can't be placed. 

It's interesting to me because, in many ways I don't really like this guy; he's so headstrong, he's incredibly opinionated on matters that I try to avoid talking about, he's intrusive to others and he swears so much. Not to me, though, but on most of his social media pages. We share the same taste in music and comedy though, which is what makes me reply, I find myself looking forward to what he might bring up next. I don't fancy him, I really don't see him in that light at all. But you know, I  think it's because in a few ways he makes me think of my dad. It realise that it's a bit of a weird comparison to make, and he certainly doesn't adopt any sort of paternal image! Just, in the way he communicates, he's incredibly witty, quotes all the time and is clearly very intelligent. We're forming a sort of friendship I suppose, but then I feel weird that it's not one I've shared with Chris yet, mainly because he doesn't really know the guy at all. I think I will tell him though, by being a bit secretive about it will only make him wonder why, which in itself looks suspicious. Largely, I think it's because I miss friends, and I'm embarrassed to admit this. I miss confiding and sharing in those who lead different lives yet we bond and share a connection. I realise it's been a while I've genuinely laughed with someone who's on the same page as me. I truly feel the only people that can really do that to me is my dad and brother, but then i'm biased as I have spent my whole life with them both! Joe was up there too, and when I find myself talking about things I haven't mentioned for 4 years or more, it takes me back to the times we were together and I find myself missing him.

This does not mean that I don't like where I am now, far from it. I just miss that person, the person who I was then, and the times we shared which have been left untouched in my new life now. I would never share this with anyone, as it's complicated and difficult to understand. It runs very deep, it is likely to always be a part of me and i'm okay with that. I'm happy that I had those times...