And up through the rainy clouds we climb up to see the sun. We forget that on drizzly, grey days the sun is still there, it's just it can't break through to remind us. It's easy to forget this.
I'm up in the sky looking down on our green planet, patches of light green with the dark, linked with veins of motorways and the occasional river. I'm on my way back from Dublin for work, it's been a pleasant trip that went quickly. Rough with the smooth n' all that, we stayed at a lovely hotel which I thoroughly enjoyed, we ate delicious food and I slept very well, the first time for a while it seems.
I would never have thought this job would have enabled me to see the parts of the world I have seen and for that I will always be grateful.
I'm looking forward to seeing Chris and getting back to our new home, which seems to be becoming more like our own place by the day.
The week will continue on as it always does. I will keep on until I get fed up again and will search for new things. Maybe it'll be another week, maybe less! We will see.
I've got my artworks online now which is a small achievement, I'm pleased I've done it at long last. I aim to add new things to it every week but maybe that's a bit too optimistic. 2 sales so far, maybe it'll be the start of something fruitful - could be the beginning of my artistic career at long last! Again, too optimistic? It's going to be a slow burner but that's okay. I need to concentrate on saving what I can, less of the spending.
Before I left a familiar face popped up on my phone, Dan, who wanted to congratulate me on my latest art developments. We Skyped for a while and it was just like old times, we joked and quickly brought each other up to speed on our lives. It may have been a year since I last properly spoke to him, my last message hanging on meet up arrangements which I didn't reply to. I'm lucky he is forgiving. But I know what could happen if we did meet, the temptation to fall back into our old ways again. As fit as he is, I don't feel that way about him when I see him, in fact in truth I never have felt that pull of attraction in that sense, it was more pleasure in the attention from someone so successful. That sounds terrible and it was terrible of me to fall for it the way I did. But I learnt a lot from it. I found out more about myself and what I wanted from life, from my relationships, from work. He's the sort of guy who could have potentially surprised me with a proposal or something mad like that - but without the affection, because he's not that sort of guy. I saw through it all, the money, his glitz. He was lonely, without the gym and his job he had nothing to talk about. We laughed but it was usually at me, we don't share the same outlooks, opinions, taste in film or music. But we did connect for a while and when we did, it was good fun. I think maybe I taught him a few things too, and that's what it's all about in the end isn't it. Everything is temporary, people are too. They drop in and out, they fade. But when you have the times you have, make the most of them while they last which is what we did. I still thinking about it fondly and I think he does too, maybe sniffing about for the opportunity to open up some of those intimate doors again. I told him about Chris and he looked at the photos. I left him to it and we haven't chatted since but perhaps we will again soon.
I looked around the airport and saw all the families with their excitable little ones and it just brought me back to those feelings, what I really desire. Before i left, me and Chris watched many episodes of 'First dates' and giggled at the awkwardness, spent time recounting our first meeting and what we thinking, feeling.
'Ah that'll be at the wedding' he smiled, which made me tingle a bit. I really never thought I'd feel this way about getting married but with him, I want it all! I've decided to not react when he mentions it though, just go along with it casually hehe hiding my excitement.
We watched a program which was observing children watching television and the cute things they came out with, we both cooed over how adorable it was. I couldn't contain myself 'can we have some!?'
'Awww not in this place,'
'Awww please!?'
'Alright then,'
Hehe I know he was joking but I'm hoping if I'll mention it enough it might be something we seriously start to talk about soon! I know I'm ready for it and I want it, but I want it to be done the right way.
We talked about work and he mentioned how he used to love helping children with their glasses as he gave optical tests. He trailed off but I saw the tv screen glisten in his teary eyes - it was one of the cutest things I ever seen!
Maybe one day, sigh, maybe one day.
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