Spirograph

I'm happy that at last the weekend is here. I very nearly didn't come in today but I'm proud of myself for not taking the easy option. It's just taking each day as it comes at the moment. I spent all day yesterday on the brink of tears, stresses and expectations of me keep building up and I just felt as though I was going to implode at any moment. I didn't though, and was able to make it home.

The evening was spent curled up in front of the TV eating junk food, it was very much needed and enjoyed. Later this evening we're going to the new place to sign the contracts. I should go to the gym beforehand but I may go straight home and start changing my CV around. May even start putting together new applications. I'll see how I feel as the day progresses. I should. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.

Feels like there's too much to do. So much to do and yet I'm not close to any of it. So much admin, money, time, hardly anyone to share all of these things with. I just hope it goes smoothly...

 

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What am I going to do next? In every way, I mean, what should I eat later on, what should I do with my life?

I know I have to get out of here. That much is absolutely true. I need to be challenged. It would be easy to stay here, vegetate for a few years - it's all the same day by day. But when have I ever gone for easy? It's good that I've stuck it out this long, and now I need something different. It is always risky, but so is staying here waiting for life to pass me by - that's a risk too!

I miss the support of home, especially at times like this where everything looks calm on the surface. I'm churning up inside. I realise that this is where I'm tempted to veer off the tracks, go looking for tempting things elsewhere where nothing is connected to where I am now - I know this would be a terrible idea so of course I won't. I need to learn from past experiences and mistakes.

I just need to get through these next couple of weeks first.  

 

He messaged me last night, after a couple of weeks of silence. The last we spoke it was me bigging up his music, I mean, he is very talented. But it seems he just likes to contact me for an ego boost. Anyway, I said that his artworks reminded me of spirograph and how I used to love it in my childhood. We reminisced for a bit and then he didn't say anything else.

A couple of days after I see this post of a spirograph set from his girlfriend gushing over how amazing it was, what a great surprise it was and how much she loved him. Now, it's none of my business but for some reason it got to me a bit, I know it was not a coincidence...I felt like deleting him and I should have done. But i'm just curious!  

 

Sigh. Maybe tonight we indulge in wine and good times, try and forget about all the stresses of daily life.