Mind games part 2

Could I be feeling what I think I'm feeling? I simply cannot keep doing this to myself.

There was a moment though, where we were doubtful. Although we checked and it seemed okay, at the back of my mind I wasn't 100% sure. So now my body is telling me things and I'm starting to think far ahead.

It's as frightening a thought as it ever has been before. Mainly because in many ways I want this to be reality. Is that sick and twisted of me? I do feel a bit ashamed for this, and not confiding in him first. But as always, I just need to play the waiting game and see what happens in the next few weeks. 

 

I mentioned it once while we were drifting off to sleep. I asked him sleepily if we could have one and he didn't say anything but held me tightly. We haven't said anything since. We coo over videos of babies forming cute relationships with puppies bounding around, sometimes he tears up when we joke about things...I know he wants it one day but I know if he had the choice, it wouldn't be now. I know this. It needs to be done the right way.

This is why I worry that he'll think this was a set up. 

But then, in a way, isn't it? I mean, you were aware something wasn't quiet right but then you didn't take the necessary steps to definitely make sure things would remain normal. So, once again, you are to blame.

 

I think what I've got to do now is just remain as normal. Just carry on as if everything is absolutely fine - because actually, it probably is! I know my mind and how it plays tricks, how my chest aches, i'm hungry, moody as it's convincing it that's how I should feel - and then low and behold, it's all as normal, if not a bit delayed.

I just need to cross the bridge when it comes and then see what we need to do, if anything at all.