Time waits for no man

Slept deeply and dreamt colourfully of beautiful things, situations that just aren't real. I woke up late and in a disappointed mood, work feels grey and bland in comparison.

Colourful weddings, couture dresses, close-knit friendship group and Chris and me going shopping for an engagement ring! I just beamed the entire time. Sometimes it would be lovely to revisit these dreams at just a shut of an eye.

 

I feel 'distant' today, as though my batteries aren't plugged in properly, it's only halfway through the week.

I miss home. 

 

Me and Chris emailed our current landlord to see if we could potentially leave our current contract two months early in order to save 2 months of rent - oh, it would be an absolute dream. Of course, we are assuming it'll be a 'no' but then, it'll definitely be a no if we don't ask. There is no harm in asking, we're giving plenty of notice after all. So, we'll just have to wait and see on that. It feels a little scary too, just knowing this brewing of upcoming change makes me feel nervous.

 

I was tired yesterday evening after eating rubbish during the day and doing too much activity at the gym in order to balance out my general guilt. When I got in dinner was made, which was so lovely. He then went on to chat excitedly about his dreams of travelling to Tokyo to follow the races and explore the surrounding islands, complete with working out flight costs, a mini itinerary in his mind. I smiled and tried to get excited too, of course I'd gladly embark on such a mission - it would be wonderful to see such amazing parts of the world. 

I just couldn't shake that feeling though, that perhaps things won't fall into place as I'd like in the future. I mean, it's silly to think like this anyway because it's all so far away, and it's impossible to know for sure. But, by the time we'd have saved enough to do any of these things coincides with me ideally starting a family and trying to build a home...I realise how sad and lame that sounds, but it's true. I'd rather start planting my roots than blasting loads of money on travels. I feel I missed my opportunity to do all of that, and even when I had the time, I didn't have the money.

I suppose we need to talk about these things...but then, it all feels too 'big picture' as though it's too much at the moment, we haven't even been together that long. Sigh. 'All in good time' ... I feel that's all I ever say lately.