One month from now...

Summer feels fresh in the air, the sun feels warm on my face and I soak it up for the shortest of whiles as I weave in and out of the busy streets trying to enjoy the change in weather, I hope it stays like this for a while.

I'm looking forward to going to the gym this evening, burning off the weekend's indulgences and anxieties. It was nice to relax and dabble in a few things leisurely, it feels like it's been a while since I was able to do such things. It still went quickly though. 

We ended up going to a friend's engagement party, which was really good fun. They're a lovely couple and I felt honoured to have been a part of their special night. Ellie came over beforehand as she usually does, and we had drinks and caught up on things. It's always nice to see her, but she does remind me a lot of Sian which brings back a few unpleasant memories. It isn't her fault really, she's a complex individual although doesn't seem it on the surface. She longs for a relationship but her standards are so high, it's almost impossible to find the right candidate. Although she's never told me about it, Chris told me that once they did go on a date together. Chris was adamant nothing was there, it felt odd and he didn't see her in that way. I believe him, but I wonder if perhaps she was hoping more would be there. Sometimes I do get the feeling she's a bit jealous, so I do everything I can not seem as though I'm rubbing things in.

It's another one of those situations though where I feel that I'm more of a friend to her than she is to me. She doesn't ask much about me and I don't feel I could confide in her my worries or troubles as she'd end up telling everyone else. She loves gossip and anything juicy she holds onto for a long, long time so I take a lot of effort to create a façade where I'm just giving her off the signals that she wants to receive, instead of being how I'd like to be.

When we got back home, I shared these thoughts with Chris who told me everyone felt a similar way about her and that he enjoyed me talking about it to him. I felt guilty because I know she can't help being the way she is, but it felt good that I was able to learn that it wasn't just me who felt like this. 

Ah well. 

We've decided to go ahead on the new flat, so I guess moving away will help in that respect. I am a little nervous about it all though. It'll all be taking place about 1 month from now, which is very soon indeed...