And so, another instance where worrying didn't help things and everything was fine in the end. This is not the first time I've done this to myself and it absolutely needs to be the last.

 

I'm in another depressive lull, where I feel emotionally and physically heavy. At the moment, nothing feels right - whatever I wear, wherever I am, it just isn't sitting well and I don't know why. Even though the sun is out, all I want to do is stay in bed and not look at anyone. Of course I had to struggle past this desire and go to work. I hope I feel happier soon.

As much as there is relief, there is also a bit of disappointment as well. The thing is, I know that it wouldn't be a good thing overall, I know that this is something that needs to wait a while - and it cannot only be on my terms, it needs to be something that we're both aware of. I suppose the disappointment mainly hangs in where we're not at that point yet, because I wish we were. I think we are mentally, but where we're living, financially, not so much. I wonder if we ever truly will be...

 

Of course you will. If you want something enough, it will happen. But this is something so life-altering, it needs to be approached in the best way possible. Sure, 'the right time' is a very vague timeline which means different things to different people, and often things don't look as though they are right eventhough they are. It's something I need to voice to Chris so he knows how i'm feeling. Not to scare him of course, but just to voice my own timeline because we do need to be on the same page.

 

I do think we are though. Last night we were casually talking about how our parents would meet and we both laughed it would be at our wedding. He then said 'actually no, probably the engagement party,' where we both grinned and agreed we were having 'big talk' it's a lovely idea which I hope will one day come into flourishion. We will have to see though...