It feels as though this week has gone by very quickly indeed, I can't believe it's Friday already. I mean, it's brilliant! I wish every week went by this fast, but then I know it's silly to wish away time.
It's always nice to kick it off with a trip home to see family, even though it was a little full on. When I returned home and saw Chris I just couldn't help but get upset. Telling him all about my aunt and the state she seems to be in really made me sad and I felt overwhelmed by it all. He listened and held me close which although I wouldn't asked, it was exactly what I needed.
The following day I met up with Olive for the first time in perhaps a year or so. He does have a tendency to text me out of the blue and ask to meet, most of the time I decline it as it either clashes with something else (he's always so last minuet,) or I try to avoid it in the politest way possible. This time however, I thought I should see him and see how he was doing. I was curious to see if her was still the same person I met 2 years ago, if he had changed at all. We met at a pub that was in-between where we both lived and it was nice to see him. We had couple of gin and tonics and talked awkwardly at first, trying to find our much missed vibe but we got there soon enough. I should have known going in that of course people like Olive will never change - a drink is never just a drink. It wasn't long after dinner that he started trying to pull me in for a kiss, requesting lots of inappropriate things which were very uncalled for, I thought this was friends meeting up after all. His girlfriend was away on a work trip and he wanted to take full advantage of this while she was away, he tried to coax me to his place. He is convincing but I also felt quiet disgusted. 'No, you don't want to be that guy,' I kept saying and soon he revealed that actually he had done it before with someone else and didn't even feel guilty about it. The desperation in his eyes, I had to leave and get away. When I did he tried calling me, asked to meet again, etc. I just left it alone. I went and found Chris shopping in the supermarket - I instantly felt at home when I saw him, I really don't want to be with anyone else. So I suppose although it was nice to see him and catch up, I know now that whenever he messages me it's not for friendly banter and a cocktail. There's another motive, one which will make me feel most awkward and out of place.
The next day I emailed Chris with a link to a website with these amazing, unique pieces of jewellery. I have had my eye on these beautiful rings for many months and finally wanted to buy one but thought I'd ask if maybe he'd want one to. I stressed the 'this is not a hint at anything, it's a style-thing!' and that although it's teenager, I did like the idea of having something that matched. I was a bit nervous and tried to think about other things. I didn't hear anything else so I left it.
Later when I got home after meeting Ellie, we had tea and chatted about our days and he mentioned the email. 'I'd love one' he said and welled up a bit and I grinned '-but! not now as I can't afford one,' where I then insisted I bought it for him, that was the idea after all!
So yesterday I went ahead and got them. They are a bit expensive but not for what they are, and I think they'll look really nice. 'Commitment rings' he joked.
This weekend is his mum's and stepdad's wedding! I can't believe how quickly it has come around. I am so excited but also nervous as there's lots of things I should have done which I haven't, like their hand-made gift, which I'm out of time on now. I tried on the dress I bought for the occasion months previously for the first time and was disappointed by how it looked. It wasn't cheap either and yet somehow I just looked like a sack of potatoes in it. Maybe it's the grey colour, I'm not sure. But I realised this couldn't be worn for the wedding! Chris was polite about it, but also thought it didn't look right, a bit too big or something. So I impulse bought another dress online to arrive for Saturday which...I fear may be too garish...sigh! It was also far too much money to buy on a whim. But, hopefully it'll be okay.
I really hope it'll be a lovely day for them, I wouldn't be at all surprised if I am overcome with emotion as I love them both so much! It'll be nice to see all of his family again, as they're all lovely people. Let's the hope the sun keeps shining on!
Also this week I had my first telephone call from this coping centre which I signed myself up to a little while ago. I organised the call to land whilst I was on my lunch break at work, which ironically had me a bit on edge. It was an interesting experience but I wasn't sure how to take it really. I didn't know what to think of the apparent therapist who, I don't know, I didn't really warm to. But then, it is over the phone and she does have a certain amount of boxes to tick. It's a barrage of personal questions and things I haven't spoken to anyone about before just, all in a row. Whilst in a bus park, the only place I can get some 'peace' it was all very odd. I have organised a half an hour face to face appointment which I guess I'm looking forward to? I'm not sure. She seemed to latch onto my obsession with time-keeping the most which I don't feel is the biggest issue at all. But then, what do I know, i'm just the patient. She asked me what I wanted from the whole thing and I wasn't sure what to say. As it's the first time I've even acknowledged this it's difficult to know where things will lead. But then, doing something is better than nothing I suppose...
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