As I made my way home last night and finally made it through my front door after what felt like an eternity, I felt myself dissolve. My clothes didn't feel right next to my skin, it felt as though they were clawing at my throat and breathing was difficult, I felt as though the frustration within was boiling over and all I wanted to do was cry.
It has been a while since I've had these feelings, these symptoms have not been missed. I cobbled together some dinner, talking myself into taking today off work because I didn't feel right. All I really needed was a good nights sleep, it's good that I came in anyway. Nobody cares either way except me, and I'm annoyed at myself that I am. I wish I could dethatch myself from it all like everyone else seems to do with ease. I'm becoming more aware of how damaging this environment is to my personal wellbeing but it's a difficult situation to translate, when on paper, it all looks simple and straight forward.
A little over a year is long enough to be credible I hope.
When Chris came home he was so sweet, he gave me the biggest hug and sat patiently, listened, gave me advice, even shed a little tear. It was possibly the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever really done for me before, and it really meant a lot. It made me realise that even when everything looks like it's all falling apart there's always something that's not so bad. He's the glue that holds me together most of the time...
Today in going to read the eternal sunshine film script over and over
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