As always, it's nice to top up on home time and see the family. Everyone seemed chatty with lots to talk about and it was nice to catch up on past adventures, which as glamorous as they sound, I'm glad are over. Perhaps I was a little more on edge about them than I first thought, I suppose I conquered a few obsticles I wouldn't have thought I would have done before, such as taking a flight by myself and be left to fend for myself in unfamiliar territory. It felt rather empowering and the whole experience was an interesting one, I'm glad I was able to be a part of it.
Easter is upon us again. Mum cooked us all a lovely meal and we played trivia quizzes over dessert, which I am just terrible at but enjoy taking part and providing a bit of entertainment. I always hope I'll remember some of the answers and take them forth into future games but it never seems to stick, much to my frustration.
This afternoon dad came and picked us up and on our way we picked up my brothers' girlfriend and she's joining us for the remaining long weekend. To be honest, I was a bit miffed at this but at the same time I felt guilty, I mean, she's entitled to come along and be a part of things and she's perfectly nice. I don't know why but selfishly my heart sank a bit. I just wanted a normal, chilled time to catch up like we used to but the dynamic is different and unfortunately I struggle to connect with her as if like as she's just...not my sort of person. But, I want to like her, I try not to be irritated by her flaws which can also be endearing. I just know that I'll look back and be like 'why did you waste the weekend feeling annoyed when you could have enjoyed yourself?' I mean, I have, but I haven't have put in as much effort as I should have done. I will try harder tomorrow.
I feel a bit sad too because it would have been nice to have seen more of mum. My aunt joined us along with my granny for dinner and she didn't seem too well. I try and look past it like I know mum tries to do, but it's difficult. I felt sad that I know how much effort puts in to making nice food and entertaining and such, for her sister to carry out her old habits like she shouldn't. It's just horrible to see, and every time I do, I wish there was somethings I could do to help. It's just such a complicated situation that runs so deep but I fear soon we really will be out of time. Sigh. I hope mum isn't too upset by it all though, hmm maybe I'll call her tomorrow just to be sure.
I called Chris in the evening which was nice, but talking to him made me feel sad as well because I was suddenly aware of the distance and wanted him there to share these thoughts with. It made me realise the past few weeks have been a bit heavy generally, I haven't been too well (but feel much better now,) and a few tears have been she'd along the way as well. I guess nothing is ever plain sailing but I feel that as soon as I return home I need to concentrate on us and rekindling some of the passion that has been lost in all the early nights and prescribed tablets that made things worse! I look forward to it :)
I hope April will be a good month, there's lots going on it feels, hopefully positive stuff. I'm going to have to start to look for a new job soon...
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