13.11.15

Make a rainbow out of black, don't look back

Smoke lines the tunnels that twist and turn, people rush and tut, everyone's desperate to get to where they want to be, desperate to get out. 

I had a bit of an anxiety moment earlier today. For the first time in many months work has been busy and days are just flying before my eyes. Before I know it it's the end of the day and time to get home. 
Today, I had a gig lined up that's been in the pipeline for ages. But I found myself getting more and more worried about it and the arrangements. I don't know why, I can't explain it. Maybe it was because Chris couldn't make it, but my brother kindly stepped in. I knew it would be brilliant, but my stomach gave me such pain, I felt sick, just wanted to get it over with.
After meeting him and walking to the venue, we talked about it a bit and jokingly said maybe I should just sell them to the next guy buying and go and have dinner somewhere. And that's exactly what we did! I made a massive loss of course, but it didn't matter, it was instant relief and we went to a family favourite restaurant and had a jolly nice chat, just the two of us. I feel terrible that I gave in to this unjustified fear, but I also loved how the evening turned out. 

I guess sometimes you can't do everything, even if you want to. 

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Work really is getting so busy these days, sometimes I don't get time to catch up with myself. 
When I finally have time alone odd thoughts pop into my head, it's like I don't have the energy I ordinarily would have to keep them at bay. 

For example; when can anyone be trusted? 

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22.10.24

Trying to hold it together, trying hard not to cry. Nothing has happened, it's just I feel very overwhelmed. Tired, deeply tired, to my ...