3.10.15

Train thoughts

Oh winter months come and embrace me, wrap your chilly arms around me and take me in. Today I long for the mornings you see your breath escape on the frosty air, where comfort is met in cosy hot drinks with spiced undertones, the countdown towards Christmas begins. 
Normally, I'd put myself in the 'normal' Christmas category, however this year I feel like there's something rather special about it. I mean, there's no telling what might happen between now and then, but I am hopeful it will be a nice and calm few months. It feels as though it has been a while since I've had that, I'm rather looking forward to the sensation. 

I am on the train home again, this time to see family. I have missed them a lot so I'm looking forward to it, and hope that feeling won't dissapear within a few moments of walking through the door! 
It feels like there will be lots to catch up on. In a way, it feels like there's a lot for my mind to catch up on still. But yesterday it was nice to just be at home with Chris where it really did feel like 'home.' I just wanted to be so close to him constantly, just pressed up against him like a child does clutching a parent! Silly really. But, even though at times I feel as though we are very different people, it doesn't waver my love for him which runs very deep indeed, much more than I was previously aware of. 
It feels very grown up, in the way that we talk about the future, finances, careers, but also has that very daft, silly, childish giddiness which isn't at all serious. I hope we never lose that... 

My body feels broken, it feels achey and confused. I don't blame it, I haven't helped at all, but I hope it feels more normal soon!  

I wonder when things will properly start to happen. I hope they will be sooner rather than later...



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22.10.24

Trying to hold it together, trying hard not to cry. Nothing has happened, it's just I feel very overwhelmed. Tired, deeply tired, to my ...