I'm not scared of the pain, I'm afraid that my mind won't relieve me of the guilt I feel. Everyone thinks I'm strong but in reality, I'm not coping well with this news. 

My mind is jumping to harsh assumptions, that this might be my only chance and I should be regretting this with every ounce of my being. The thing is, I know full well that I'd regret the situation more if I brought another life into the world who I could support as fully as I should, they'd have my unwavering love and devotion, but there are practicalities that have to be addressed first and as much as I'd love to, I cannot see past these things. The fact that I'm not prepared, that I'm still relying heavily on my own parents and that my relationship hasn't even been established for a year yet. 

The 14th is the day, right before we move. I want it to be tomorrow because this waiting part is making me feel so sick with worry, dread and upset. I still can't really believe it's happening.