Don't let it consume me

I realise that this is a moment, a time in my life, where if I choose to dwell too much it could consume me. This could be an event that I never recover from, but why am I punishing myself so? I just, can't let it lie. 
Of course if my circumstances were different, my choice would be different to. This is never something I ever want to endure again. The thing is, perhaps at previous points in my life I may well have been, but I took another pill and it just didn't make itself apparent, it's the knowing now. It's the entire 'being faced with the situation and deciding' element that I'm really struggling with. My cynical mind creeps in with awful thoughts but I know I've got to ignore them because, at this point in my life it just isn't meant to be. As awful as it is. 
 
So far, I do feel as though me and Chris are stronger through all of this. When I saw him on Monday he held me close and said 'I feel so close to you right now, me and you just feels so right - we shouldn't have to go through this' and it's true, I mean, this really is one heck of a big deal. But it answered a few questions we both had, I suppose. 
 
I've just got to try my utmost to get through this week and then the next. It's going to be tough because I generally feel awful, it's a constant reminder. But, hopefully at this time next Friday it'll all be over...sigh.
Then I can try and be happy again.