Worries upon worries

'This is my first post and using a throwaway as my boyfriend is a fellow redditor. Basically, I am in need of a bit of advice. Now before I begin, I must apologise if this is long and all over the place, I must admit that thinking all this through I am aware that I have made a lot of immature choices along the way, and I only myself to blame for putting myself into this situation. However, it is a situation that hasn’t been confirmed yet. My mind is just going into mad overdrive! 

Basically, I’m worried that I might be pregnant and this is the first time I’ve been faced with this. Me and my partner are both 25 and both working (and have always been in work,) we’ve been together for nearly 8 months, which isn’t very long on paper but to be honest, he’s my best friend and we’re incredibly close, get on so well and will be moving in together in a couple of weeks. We’ve talked about parenting before and so have our families - although it feels a bit soon to say it, I can honestly say I could imagine him being the father to my children. But, we haven’t talked about if it were to happen now. 

I’ve been on the pill for the past year or so, which is the only protection we use. A couple of weeks ago I had a nasty infection, took antibiotics for 3 days and was back to normal. I have since learnt that this can interfere with the effectiveness of the pill. I felt foolish that I didn’t bring this up with my doctor at the time, but I just wanted whatever would make the pain go away! 

Of course, my period might come along when it usually does (hopefully in 2 weeks time.) But, I’m worried that it might not come, and if that’s the case, I’m not sure what to do. I would absolutely love to have a baby with him, but it feels wrong that it isn’t on our terms. I don’t think financially we’re ready for one, plus, we haven’t been together all that long and would be speeding up our relationship a whole lot which I don’t think he’d appreciate. I think he’d feel hurt and angry that he was in the situation, I also think by telling him I’d break his trust. Of course, this has all been an accident'... this was the post I was going to type...urgh.

 

I've just been such an idiot. I knew that I wasn't completely safe, you know, by not actually being on the pill because of my daft, unsupported fears. I need to be honest, especially if I'm being anonymous. What did I really expect, that this wasn't going to happen? Was it because actually, I do want to get pregnant? The thing is, I know that now isn't the right time. We're in a really good place at the moment and I think this could drive a massive wedge between us, he'd never trust me again...

 

I have been in the position before where I was worried I might have been back in my uni days, but the fear prolonged my period even more making me worry more and more, it really wasn't a great position to be in...I worry that I encourage the same thing to happen this time. 

I guess all I can do now is wait. There is no way of knowing now, so there is no point stressing over what is the worst case scenario. There is no point asking advise on something that isn't certain, I won't get the answers I need. 

There is something learnt from all of this however. To be honest, to use extra protection and to discuss the consequences of things before we are faced with them.

 

*

 

I feel tired and slow today, and everything I think about is revolving around this predicament in some way or another. My mind is probably playing tricks on me, but I can't help but worry and wonder what the heck I'm going to do and how, if the worst were to happen, it would change my life either way. To keep it, I would love to but don't know how. I'm not by my family or friends, we're in a flat that probably doesn't allow for babies and I'm in a part time job and can barely keep myself afloat...I know he isn't prepared either. It is unfair to assume this, of course, but this is what I'm weighing up. Would I tell him? It would shake everything up, would we even be able to recover from it? 

I'm thinking more about him and 'us' than me, I must admit. I know I could keep it secret for a time, but what if he were to find out and be upset he wasn't able to have a say? I couldn't have that, it is a decision for us both to make. I'm sure than in a couple years down the line it would be something I'd regret. I've been reading stories of women in similar situations who say that their relationships end because they end up resenting the mans choice...I can't really see it happening, but I'm sure my views on everything will change once I know for sure. I guess I'm just hoping that what the 1st comes around, I won't be seeing in my 25th birthday in tears.