Time is relentlessly constant

Life goes on. And it always will go on. Time is relentlessly constant. 

My joints feel creaky much like this train carriage, but it's nice to be seated and view the peeling painted buildings pass my windows, the clouds dramatic against the blue sky and with the sun trying to beam through. 

I feel detached from the world this morning, but in the pleasantest of ways. I'm aware I'm in my hungover body but mentally I feel I'm elevating above it. Maybe it's still the alcohol racing through my blood or maybe the caffeine taking its place, but I feel reflective and grounded. 

In truth, it's been a turbulent week which hasn't been without its stresses, anything to do with my living situation really effects me and my emotional wellbeing, and I feel lucky to have had Chris there to support me through it. Nothing has happened exactly, it's just change and this new housemate throwing his weight around, testing the waters, taking me for a fool and it all got a bit much. I imagine this will always be a problem, which is making me worry for the future in that lovely house. I love it there, my room, the general set up, it's my 'home' in London and the first of its kind. It is my haven, has encompassed my best memories and some of my worst, and i don't want to move out of it. For a while I thought it would be nice if me and Chris got a place together, but I realise that it may be a little hasty. Why rush this bit? What we have going on is really nice, if we're meant to live together, it'll happen in its own time, convenience shouldn't be the main priority. 'You want to be moving in together for the right reasons' dad so rightly says, the very chap I'm seeing today. I'm looking forward to it, just him and I. Last time I went I was with Chris to, it was such a lovely day. I like that they both get on well and Chris really respects him. We've had a nice few days recently. I've been trying to do more in terms of keeping fit and I feel better for it, I hope I keep it up. Something tells me this time I will, I feel more determined and focused. 

I feel rather content, well, today anyway. I still think about Joe, he still appears in my dreams. I don't feel the way I used to though, it doesn't 'haunt' me and I don't feel a weight in my heart, I just miss him and hope he's okay. I keep feeling as though I'll bump into him one day, maybe at a gig or concert or something. I wouldn't know how id feel if I did, would I shy away or would it be like no time had passed? I won't know until it happens, if it ever happens because maybe it won't. I don't quite believe that though, still in my bones I feel a connection with him, I doubt it'll ever be lost. And, I'm okay with that because it no longer makes me sad. It's just a part of who I am, it's another complex strand in addition to all the others that hang me together.