glow from within

A lot can happen a three weeks. Reading back over my last entry I am amazed it was so long ago, time really is flying by lately and I'm not sure why that is, or what has made me stop to observe it.
It really does feel as though lots has been going on lately, lots of rough patches accompanying the smooth, it's nice to have things balancing out at long last. In contrast to my opinions in my last post, things do look as though they're pointing in the 'moving in together' direction, which fills me with a joy that I can't mask. As much as I have tried it appears as though things with my current housemate won't improve and things got so much I even started consulting adverts for rooms to rent even made contact with a few. It gave me a feeling of being back in control yet I didn't feel as though I was moving forward. It was again venturing into the unknown and, I've had enough of that now. I feel I'm at the age I need to stop living like a student and really try and make something of my life now instead of coasting along. Chris is a very good encouragement for this.
So tomorrow, we're going to go and look at a place! I am excited, but I am nervous to. More for him, he's new to all of this, what if it doesn't fall into place and quickly as we'd like and he's put off by the idea? I guess that's just a risk I've got to take, heck, if I've done it before then I've no doubt he can to.
I've a nice feeling about the place though, we'll just have to see how we feel when we get there. I'm pretty confident we'll know if it feels right as soon as we walk through the door.

Last night, something happened that has never occurred with us before. It was dangerous but it was wonderful. I don't know if it was the excitement getting carried away with all the potential house viewing, but something came over us both as we sunk beneath the sheets.
I almost feel ashamed for saying this, but, I nearly tried to forget about it this morning. I kinda wanted my mind to drift onto other matters, let the days pass, just to see what would happen. I thought about how amazing it would be to know I've a little life inside of me, but this was soon followed by a dread. I would be completely breaking his trust, which has obviously taken him a long while to build. And if I was, do I think he'd stay? We're not ready enough for anything as life changing as that, and that's what made me go to the pharmacy. I knew it would feel romantic for a few days but then if the P never came, I know i'd be faced with some very big issues. But on the way to work I enjoyed the idea of perhaps having something glowing from within.
I pray for it one day. When we are more ready...