All that I've got

After our trip to the zoo with some of his friends, we went home. On the way, something happened, we got onto the subject of weird dates, tinder, just a can of worms basically. I always enjoy chat like this but find when it comes to me his attention wavers a bit, or we're just coming up to a break in transport link and have to do that awkward half talk where you're always asking to repeat things through the waves of people crossing the path. 

He wanted to know, though, so we both unravelled, getting a bit more detailed as the stories went on. I guess I had the impression he'd not had a lot of experience before me, but it seems he did a similar sort of thing to me when I just got out of my relationship with joe. Perhaps his was a lil more casual, and I found I couldn't find the strength to share the details of dan, olive and Alex because they were actual...things, not just flings or one night stands. Somehow, I thought that him hearing this could hurt his feelings. I've no doubt one day I will share these things. 

But it was while we were walking to the bus he was getting into a lot of detail over this one girl he nearly had a thing with, it's funny really because I don't care about hearing the sexual side of this occasions but the 'we had a connection' bit did make me feel a bit uncomfortable. I said that it was that sort of phrase that I felt was relatable to me, when he was talking about stuff that 'got him going' that's still currently applicable and still able to hurt my feelings. Hell, there's a line! But I like that he didn't feel any shame in admitting these things. 

We were nearly home, and when he said about this girl, how it was only a month before me or something, I think he noticed that I cooled a bit. It brought me on to mention that occasion where we were out with his friends and he was worried about bumping into 'an old flame' showing everyone pics of her and the like. I said that it didn't annoy me, it just made me feel really worried. And it was in that moment he said 'oh no, no not that at all, I knew it was happening at the time and it was probably making you feel weird but I just couldn't stop talking,' he then gave me a hug and he cried. It was probably the most emotion I've ever seen from him 'I would never...I would never do anything' i just felt my heart sink, how unbelievably lovely that he genuinely really cared. I also made me feel a sense of relief in a way, that I do mean something to him even though he does show it. I suppose it is just taking me some time to trust him, I don't want to give him everything for him to just disappear. 

Today, I am tired. I've signed up to this fitness bootcamp thing and now I can't feel my arms. It was a bad idea to trudge through town on a Saturday, but never mind. Hometime for Father's Day...