Holiday plans and words unsaid...

Oh, I have no idea what I'm doing. Maybe it's because ive generally been feeling run down and hormonal, but I found I was just so frustrated by him. Maybe it was his mood too, but just his lack of patience, how he doesn't really listen to me, how whenever we finally have a deep and meaningful conversation, he has to do something stupid to kinda, undo it...just really started to grind against me. I am hoping that in time he won't feel he has to do that anymore. Because at this rate, I just think I'll get too frustrated...

I sat there over the table as we are and I wondered if I could see the same depiction a couple of years down the line, and I drew a blank. I'm being harsh I know, he was ill, had too much to drink, tired...but still. I forgive but unfortunately I won't forget. When we were in the bar before with his friends he was on about this girl he didn't want to bump into because they 'nearly had a thing' showed me pics of her on facebook and everything...I was polite, smiled and nodded along. But inside I was thinking, why the fuck are you showing me this? You want to make me jealous or something? Or, it's a warming to me that oh if she does come along, that's it? Seriously. I found it a lil immature. I could go show him a pic of olive and say how 'this guys gunna be 30 this year, he earns a near six figure salary and he basically proposed to me,' just to knock him down a peg or two...haha ah but, what good would that do? It is not my style to do something like that. Sometimes I do wanna say to him 'have you any idea!?' about my past, previous loves and losses. Not in a big headed way, but, I get a bit tired about hearing how amazing he is all the time. I think he thinks he's a bit of a big shot. Ahhhh But that's silly because that's a past I keep saying that I want to move away from. I like to think that all this will shine through in its own way. It doesn't need to be said. But it bothers me that he feels that it does. 

Sigh. Never mind. Thing is, I don't think he means it, and neither do I. I guess he just forgets who I am sometimes...