It has probably only been a week since I last updated, but it feels as though a lot has happened in that time, I'm not sure where best to begin.
Well. It is official, me and Chris are officially together 'in a relationship'. Goodness me! It's funny isn't it, because in my heart I know all along my feelings and intentions towards him, I don't need it written out in black and white to start believing it, but society has almost driven it that way. That unless you're screaming it from the rooftops, it isn't happening at all. It did make me giddy to see it though I must admit, it's been the first time in over a year that I've been able to change my 'status' and I think of the individuals I've met during the time inbetween, it makes me glow inside to think that he is proud to show it off, in a way.
We went out on Thursday night for a work collegue's of his leaving drinks sort of thing. There was an approximate theme, a sort of Rat Pack, suit-up, ladies dress up sort of dress code, which he was looking forward to. I didn't want to go too overboard because it's so easy to look so try-hard, it was the first time me meeting these people and I didn't want to start things out on the wrong footing. He thinks highly of his work friends so I knew this was a bit of a big deal, I needed to be casual and friendly - and not get too drunk, which I have a tendency to do in these situations! He came to meet me at the station not far from his work, he looked sharp in a new navy suit and he grinned happily when he met me. I couldn't help but smile.
We walked to the pub, drunk lots and talked lots to those around us. He mingled a bit and so did I, I realised I was a bit out of practice but after warming up a bit I really started to enjoy myself. It was fairly late but he decided we should take the last tube home, so we did. We enjoyed the last evening of having an empty house before his mum and stepdad got back early the next day.
We got up late and met them, both smiling happily with such Mediterranean colour. They chatted excitedly about their travels, showed a few photos. She showed me her engagement ring where I gave her a little congratulations card, which made her cry. I felt so touched because although I truly meant it, it was only a little token and I could tell they really appreciated it. Me and Chris shared stories of our Valentines excursions where we all laughed, she then asked 'is it official then?' I remembered a time earlier the night before we he had asked me 'So this is...uh, what shall I call you?' and I didn't really get it at the time. So now, she was asking outright and I was intrigued by what he'd say. We looked at each other and he had an expression of 'shall we?' and I grinned and agreed. We kissed and they cheered, it was so sweet. I felt so happy.
Before I knew it, I was being whisked away to his grandparents where they were cooking breakfast. They were such lovely, charming and welcoming people, I was amazed at how cool and well grounded they were. Married for over 50 years I think they said, they still had the look of love in their eyes. Their bungalow was going through complete refurbishment, so they happily showed me around and told me all the work that was going to be done. It was lovely, I suddenly felt part of the family. There was a little voice inside my head that was kinda telling me 'this is too good, this is all too good' but I tried to shut it up. I guess sometimes, it just happens in this way. I guess you just know it when it hits you, and hit me it did!
We went back home and played games, ate food, basically got all lazy and wallowed around. It was great. He asked 'are you one of those ones who always puts it on facebook?' where I replied something like 'I can be,' - 'right I'm going to update it right now!' he said, and did. Not that I usually pay much attention to this sort of thing or take it very seriously, by the end of the day it had 99 likes overall! As much as it was happiness, it was almost a sense of relief. We are actually on the same page. It felt strange and unusual, like it should have been familiar but I realised it really had been a while.
The Wednesday before Chris's leaving drinks evening, I met up with Olive. He had been rather persistent with his messages about arranging something and I'd let him down so much before, I had also missed him. He wanted to meet somewhere near mine, I didn't want to so much because I knew what it would mean - him angling coming back to mine and I didn't want that. I knew that I would have to tell him I was seeing someone and it was serious, even if it would run the risk of him never speaking to me again. Bit harsh I know, but lately it does feel as though he likes to contact me to meet so we can have sex. But then, what do I expect? I've let him.
So, we met - at a place near mine, drunk cocktails and ate pizza. It was nice to see him and catch up, I like to hear about what he's up to. He makes me envious with his work and life plans because it's all so cool, easy and figured out. It always has been for him. Although he'll be 30 this year, a lot can happen in 5 years. There's still hope for me yet!
He told me he'd met someone, been seeing each other for a couple of months but it wasn't serious. I told him that I had been too and it was a little moreso. I felt glad that he had, thinking it would stop him wanting to be inappropriate but it didn't, in fact it seemed to spur him on even more. He thinks of me as this fantasy, where he can do all the things of his dreams and then go back to reality. He laid it on the line, reminded me that I left him but we could always try again. It was a bit awkward. I left, we managed to finally go our separate ways. I knew even then how I felt about Chris and didn't want to start it off in the wrong way, I'm not that girl anymore.
But today, he's texting wanting to meet up again. I want to see him but I know this time saying yes will be giving him off a signal, I really mustn't encourage him.
Last night me and Chris went to a gig, it was really amazing. It was so much fun, my ears are ringing like mad today. He really makes me laugh and, he's really surprised me as of late which I really enjoy.
I might be seeing him again this evening, although I won't mind having an early night if he is busy. I'm not sure what our next plans are but I hope we can do something soon. I think perhaps this weekend I'll pop home and see mum as it's been a while...
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