I'm just tired

Yesterday I cooked him some dinner and we watched flight of the conchords. We are making the most of the free house while his mum and stepdad are on holiday. It's amazing how normal it all feels, being around each other, doing our normal routines and things. In a way, it makes me a lil nervous because I don't want it to all seem too familiar somehow...

Tonight is pancake day so I think we'll be larking about doing that this evening but I might spend wed or Thursday eve at mine so give him a bit of space...Work today and back to normality :(

I feel a little bit down but that may be because I'm tired. 

Wednesday 

Off to work now, after a strange evening last night. It was pancake day and we had a great meal but then I went ahead and ruined it and made a complete fool of myself by spilling the batter all over the floor! It wasn't a great moment of mine. Eventhough he laughed and said it wasn't a problem, from that point on I felt like an awkward teenager who'd never kissed before. I was aware of everything I was doing and saying...I just felt weird. Out of my comfort zone I guess. It was late and we decided to retire, he was tired after a long bike ride during the day. I guess that was what it was, he was just so worn out, but we didn't end up doing it eventhough it was all gearing up to it beforehand. Something happened and the spark kinda went. It stopped me from sleeping for a while, I knew it was stupid but it was unusual, the first time we'd had a moment like that. He dropped off right away so it really did seem clear that he just didn't have it in him, but still. 

I'm going home this evening and probably tomorrow too, have a bit of space from each other although I miss him already. I guess this is the honeymoon stage of the 'relationship' although neither of us have really called it that yet, but it's so tempting to spend all our waking moments together but it can so easily spoil it. I guess it reminds me of the days with me and olive, I saw him such a lot and lived with him for a couple of weeks but ultimately that was the nail in the coffin...

Thing is, I really like having time by myself, but I guess because I like him so much and am so scared it'll all dwindle, Ive fallen victim to the 'want to be with you all the time' thing which isn't very attractive, nobody wants a clingy other half. 

We didn't mention it at all this morning which I'm glad of, but I hope it's something I'll forget. The embarrassment of it all could easily be enough to make me hide away completely...as silly as it sounds. I mean we're all human, we all make mistakes, we all have our off days and tired times. 

It's his friends leaving do on Saturday and he's invited me to join him and I think I'll go along.