'It's what we always knew...'

Messed up, muddled up entry ahead...

I wondered why ive spent a good deal of today in the brink of tears. Ive been unable to maintain the willpower to try and fast today, the familiar bug greedily continues to eat when I know I probably shouldn't. Period is early. Ah well, for one I guess it's a good thing it's arrived, and secondly it came at a time where I was able to enjoy the past couple of days at least. 

Just feel crotchety and irritable, time has also surprised me by being evening already, so I'm on my way to dads. I'm looking forward to a nice couple of days catching up, lounging about and hopefully relaxing. I can update him on things, but not too excitedly of course. I really must keep a level head, yeahhhh...

Oh wow, well I was going to go on about how low I was feeling and generally negative about everything but a nice chap started to talking to me on the tube, asking me for directions and has actually cheered me up a little bit. 

Urgh, but the mucking about of my usual familiar train has brought on another wave of negative mood swings. Man, this time of month really gets me down, there must be something I can do about it. At least I know it's only temporary...isn't everything? I was looking about today, as I ambled about the street, as I sat on the tube, observing other people living their life...why am I not them? Why am I, who i am? I suppose this is what we're all wondering and will never know for sure. But sometimes I wonder, is it an accident ive found myself in this body or am I made for something great things ahead? 

I used to think so, my parents certainly believed in me, but recently I feel as though ive really lost my way. I guess leaving a serious relationship messes things up more than I ever could have imagined. I knew it was going to be tough, but over a year? 

I feel low now I'm sat on this dingy train, listening to some chump bang on to his date about his friends and football, I just wish I could inject I bit of patience into me because this will feel such a long treck otherwise...

Again im playing the waiting game, aw, who knows, maybe this is it and he's gone...fleeting...oh I need to cheer up :(