Unusual and frightening

I am a great admirer of Louis CK, he comes out with some excellent material. But a phrase of his has resounded in my mind today, at least, I think it was him who came out with it. He starts off 'a bit' with saying 'I like seeing couples going on first dates...it's great because it shows that the human race is still trying.' And I rather like that. There is something tremendously awkward about the whole ordeal, it can be clumsy, lack-lustre, desperate. But, every time two people decide to embark on that first date, it shows they're both willing to put themselves out there and make the effort. It could be a complete false start, and I feel I've already racked up a few of those, who hasn't!? But, it could also be the first steps in making a real future, and there's something a bit magical about that.
"Enjoy it! Because you guys won't ever have another one of those' my housemate cheerily said to me earlier, after I told him I think this may be the last of it's kind for a while. It's exhausting and a lil soul destroying too, with all the excitement comes expectation and when it's all over and I head back home, I feel the anxiety rush in again. This has been one of the first times in my life I've actually done the whole dating thing, usually I go from one relationship to the next without any breaks inbetween. It feels unusual and a lil frightening. Especially when I personally input such a lot of emotion into each individual. I really give it my all, so if they don't call back, or they do turn out to be a lil bit crazy or too intense, I feel like there's a bit of an emotional void that needs a while to be refilled again after each let down.

I want to be 'suede-cool' about it all but in reality I'm excited already and there's 4 hours to go! I'm also a bit nervous too, what if he doesn't like me? There's are so many 'what ifs' flying around my mind, it's difficult to land on a one in particular. I just hope it all goes well, and we'll have lots to talk about. I hope he won't be afraid to flirt, maybe venture into subjects that aren't exactly comfortable...I don't know really. I guess I'm mostly nervous about if those butterflies make themselves known in my belly, or if they don't. I want to feel them, but what if he shoots me a look or comes out with a racist remark that suddenly kills them off?
Well.
This an opportunity I've been given, and I need to make the most of it. Have an amazing time! Make him feel comfortable, at ease, and above all, charmed. I can do this, I'm in my element in these sort of situations, I'm going to get dressed up nicely, get myself looking the part and meet for a couple of cocktails to start with...