Too many maybes

It's a stormy night and it feels as though at long last I'm in bed and under my covers again.

First day back at work and was kept very busy trying to catch up with everything, which made it all go very quickly and I really enjoyed being surprised every time I looked at the clock.
Me and Olive were meant to be meet this evening, but he was distant during the week and when it came to half 5 this afternoon dropping me a rather lame message my general way, I questioned what it was I was really going for. And then when it occurred to me, I decided to stay in instead. I feel he's probably pretty annoyed at me, but, it would cause complications for sure. Because I've no doubt that we'd have a good time, a couple of glasses would have been had to make everything appear rose tinted, we'd kiss, it would lead to him coming back here and then we'd, well...it would all unwravell. I do desire this, but I know that as soon as it all came to an end I'd regret it, just like I did last time.

Ultimately, I'm making way for Friday. I shouldn't, but I've a fair few hopes pinned on it and I think it could be really very good.

Last night however, I went on a new date with a new chap. We'd been talking through brief message exchanges and then he went a little quiet. He then proposed the idea of meeting for some drinks, maybe a bit of food and watch a bit of standup comedy, which we did (except the food which I did feel in need of drawing to the end of the night!) The tubes were playing up so he was a little late, we bought each other a drink and spent most of the time talking. He was friendly but professional, coming straight from work he did look very smart. The sort of man I look at on the train with distant admiration which soon turns to realisation that someone as clean cut as that would never be tempted by me. We did quickly fall into conversation about comedy where I felt in my element. I don't have much else really. This is something I'm passionate about and enjoy being able to talk about it properly. When then watched a few questionable acts, followed by some fantastic ones and we laughed lots and shared grins. I wasn't sure how I felt about it all, I knew I was having a good time but there was something which wasn't properly grabbing me. Maybe it was because I wasn't sure how he felt about me. I felt so goofy and silly around him, a bit like how I used to feel around Dan - a bit of a loser. But as we talked afterwards about who our favourites were he gently touched my shoulder playfully a couple of times and then I started to wonder. We walked to the tube station, going completely the wrong way to start with, and he decided to take the longer route to his stop so we can travel on the same line together, which I thought was incredibly sweet. And when the doors opened for me he shared a kiss on the cheek and parted ways. He suggested maybe meeting again on Sunday, and I humbly agreed although I'm not sure it's a good idea as there are too many people floating around in the 'maybe' zone and really I want a clear focus.

Me and Chris have been exchanging lots of nice, fun texts this week and earlier this evening he phoned me to talk about a potential plan for Friday. He had researched nice bars and restaurants, offered me a choice of where I might fancied going. Already I feel as though it's off to a good start, as i've not had this yet! A chap going ahead and making reservations like an organised so and so! We've also arranged to meet a bit earlier, which is also rather exciting. Thing is, I don't want to be! I've been let down so much in the past...but then, everybody deserves a clean slate. So, I'm looking forward to it! I just hope he won't be dissapointed by me. We shared a lot of laughs and giggles on the phone, kinda nervous ones but it was genuine too, I'm sure in the very least we'll have a few stories to share.
So, Thursday out of the way and then it'll be the day! Maybe Gym first then getting all set hehe I do like that bit!