2015.
I wonder what it will hold in store for me.
I am on my train back to London from Bristol, I had a wonderful evening with close friends, lots of alcohol and long chats into the small hours. It's a gloomy, damp and cold day but I am actually feeling rather positive. I've a week off, I'm going to apply for jobs, do some arty things, go to the gym, eat well, yes! I am hoping it'll all fall into place nicely.
This optimism probably won't last, but for now I'm just coasting on the hangover and the thought of a nice warm shower and duvet afternoon ive lined up for when I get in.
Last night was the first night I've been out in a long time and it was really great. I love the whole getting dressed up thing, the dancing, the atmosphere. I wasn't interested in kissing any guys at midnight although I was a lil jealous of all the loved up couples sharing moments together. I just know that it'll all be ok in the end. Ok, nothing is clear at the moment but that doesn't mean that it won't become clear in time. The more time I spend worrying about it won't get me any closer to where I want to be...
Last night I was so carried away with all the girly chats, the wine and the excitable evening plans ahead that I forgot all about my worries and fears. Lee messaged me saying 'I was the sweetest person ever' and 'wished he had come to Bristol with me' after opening his card. I'm so glad he liked it, I know that now I really have done all I can. I'm just going to leave it all in his corner now. I know I say that every time, but this time I really feel as though I mean it. I'd love to be able to shut it all off completely, maybe appear a lil cool about it but it wouldn't honestly be genuine. I don't have time for the games, I don't want to sink to that level.
We'll just have to see what happens...
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