Honest moment

So, I got this earlier today after deciding I was absolutely fading him out of my life;

'You deserve an explanation for why I'm so quiet and distant at the moment, so I'm going to try my best. I know this isn't the greatest medium to do so but I don't know your house number to send you a letter and I don't know if I'd articulate it that great in person. 

Honestly, I'm really not well at the moment. I was open with you very early on that I go through cycles of mental insecurity and I'm battling probably the largest down turn I've had in the last 7 years right now. It leaves me drained emotionally, cold and distant. I struggle to talk to my friends and family and I spend most of my day when I'm not at work alone. Not messaging you and not arranging anything with you this week is made all the more difficult for my anxiety because I know how understanding and sweet you are. I'm in no state to be relied upon right now for anything by anyone because I don't know what I'm doing. If I'm not talking or I'm being despondent or I'm not making an effort with you, it has nothing to do with how you are or anything you've done. If anything, how you are is why I'm giving you an explanation right now that I'm not even affording my closest friends. They just think I'm being really off with them. This isn't me ending things or telling you not to message me, but I have a lot of guilt tied up in not seeing you and not responding to you when you're being just so understanding. I have a feeling you know a lot of this already as you've been insanely patient with me over the last month or so and I have to thank you for that. I'm sorry for the essay and I hope you're having a good day. Xx'

To which I carefully replied;

'Hey Lee. Well, it's difficult to know where to begin, but first of all, never apologise for typing an essay (have you seen my messages!?) it really is so lovely to hear from you and I want to thank you for being so honest with me, because I understand it must have been difficult for you to put it all into words and I really appreciate that.

I really am so sorry to hear that you haven't been well recently. I have thought about you a lot during the past few days and did wonder if maybe something was going on. It is difficult for me to know what to say having not been through what you have, but know I'll be here for you in any way that I can. I don't want you to feel any sort of pressure, guilt or worry with me because that can't be helping you get through things, but know I'm sending positive vibes your way xx'

Im still reeling a little bit...