I'm going to see how this weekend pans out, how much contact me and lee will have, if any, to decide how much effort I put into his Christmas present. I'm about halfway through it, I think he'll like it ultimately but I'm a bit nervous. Because I may not see him before Christmas. I really hope that I do. What does my gut say? I think it says yes actually. But maybe that's because I want it to.
I want to write on it somewhere or in it somewhere something meaningful. This is what I do, it's what I have always done and I don't want him to make me feel any differently about it.
I've been doing a bit of research into bipolar disorder to get a bit of perspective on what I might be getting myself into. It is a little daunting I must say, but already it seems to be making sense. I like that he's always been honest about it and wasn't ashamed to bring it to the table. I want him to know that I'm not afraid to take it on, what with it being dominant in my family.
These words are just food for thought right now, I would say it but I don't want to put any pressure on things. I know that you might not be in the place to make commitments to things right now, work has intensified a heck of a lot and you appear to be in the process of giving up some of your much loved things in life! A commendable challenge indeed!
But I understand this and want you to know that I'll be here for you and whatever life throws your way, to help in any way I can.
I really enjoy the time we spend together, it is actually the only time where I feel like 'myself' and I realise that it's been a long time since I last felt that.
I know 2015 is looking to be an eventful year for you and there will be days where you'll need your own space to power through what you've got to do, and I'll give you all the space you need. I'm so excited for you, and the successes that are sure to be coming your way!
What with my own mother battling with bipolar every single day, I really empathise with the disorder and how tricky it can be to face the day, and It doesn't make me love her any less. This is not to say it isn't challenging at times, but ultimately it's made me a far more calm, fair and patient individual. I can only imagine how tough things have been and still can be, but I hope you can see me as a bit of calm to the storm.
Or something along those lines. I would tell him if I could, but I feel a well composed letter/ page will be a bit more meaningful and he can read it in his own space. Sigh. Who knows.
It'll be tricky but then I guess things have already been a little tricky. I am a confident, fair and patient person and know I'll be able to help him, I iust know it. As soon as I met him I knew I wanted to get under his skin and find out all these things and be the one he feels he can confide in.
Ah. Too much too soon? Not at three months surely. Ah well. If he does take it badly I know I can just move on and it's not worth investing any more emotional effort.
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